Even though I really loved you. I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to.
.
It's been the longest winter without you I didn't know where to turn to See somehow I can't forget you After all that we've been through
Going coming thought I heard a knock Who's there no one Thinking that I deserve it Now I realize that I really didn't know If you didn't notice you meant everything Quickly I'm learning to love again All I know is I'm gon' be ok
Thought I couldn't live without you It's gonna hurt when it heals too It'll all get better in time Even though I really love you I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to It'll all get better in time
I couldn't turn on the TV Without something there to remind me Was it all that easy To just put aside your feelings
If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh Hurt my feelings but that's the past I believe it And I know that time will heal it If you didn't notice boy you meant everything Quickly I'm learning to love again All I know is I'm gon' be ok
Thought I couldn't live without you It's gonna hurt when it heals too It'll all get better in time Even though I really love you I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to It'll all get better in time
Since there's no more you and me It's time I let you go So I can be free And live my life how it should be No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you Yes I will
Thought I couldn't live without you It's gonna hurt when it heals too It'll all get better in time Even though I really love you I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to It'll all get better in time
Christine
10:01 PM
9:50 PM
Oh, and did I mention that I tried opening the door of a car I thought was my Mom's? I kept trying till I looked up and gave the "WTH, open up, Mom" look. And found a traumatized looking lady sitting inside who looked like she was thinking, "thank God I locked the door" staring back at me with her mouth slightly agape. Actually, thank God her door was locked too or I'd have jumped in.
OMG, so embarrassing -.-"
Christine
9:50 PM
9:37 PM
Studying with Christian at Marine Parade was actually fun and amazing.
Yeap, you think I'll be balling my eyes out for you. Maybe I will have, but I won't anymore.
You think you'll be the best I'll never have. But hey, baby. I'll be the best you'll never have and regret for missing out on. This is your loss, big time.
Its confidence, honey. Shoot me.
PW PW PW!
Christine
9:37 PM
4:41 PM
Good friends, better friends, very good friends.
GUOWEN, I know you are reading this! I'm not bimbotic like PH, but thanks for your PM on your MSN! (:
I'll do as I'm told and sit back to await the latter love! Heh (:
A Lvls MT sucked, big time. But heck, I doubt I'll have to take CLB next year (: SO LONG, CHINESE! Yadda yadda. Yay (:
Haha, PW OP tmr, and thats practically the end, like really THE end.
CJ013, lets nail this :D
Christine
4:41 PM
1:04 AM
Dad sent me home, I didn't have to figure my way back afterall (:
Deep talks with Joanne are always so enjoyable, so thoughtful, so reflective, and so mind intriguing. Makes me ponder and think over what I've never thought of before, or have tried so hard to avoid but yet are the questions which I want to know of the answer most.
Candid shot of Mark Chinese makes us have.. A HEAD-BANGING SESSION! :O
Christine
1:04 AM
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
9:33 PM
HAHA. I dont know how to go home from Jon's house -.-"
Christine
9:33 PM
5:23 PM
What I've been doing in the past 1 hour at Jonathan's house. Lol.
Gonna start studying now with Jo, Jon, Mark, and Justin. Aloy's coming later.
CHINESE CHINESE. Wo ai wo de tong xue (: Cheena. HAHA!
Christine
5:23 PM
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
7:59 PM
Too lazy to make my way home. So I ended up at Marine Parade library instead waiting for Mom to come pick me up after work. Its not bad, my I&R is mostly done, and so is the editing of my OP script. Maybe I'll just have to summarize a little more, then I;ll just have to start memorizing.
And then I have to study for Chinese because A levels MT is this Thursday and I have not started. At all. Because I'm sorry, but chinese is just so insignificant in comparison to PW, but I promised Jon and Jo, and myself that I'd mug for it at least put in my best effort for it. So I will study for it. Later.
Heh, Demonic Boy is good company and a good person to message. Have always loved talking to him since Secondary 1, since when have I not? (:
Christine
7:59 PM
6:38 PM
Love never was this beautiful.
Emotional wreck.
This is what happens when I'm kept up all night thinking about silly stuffs which have all joined the rest of history.
Christian says I'm one of the few lazy girls that he knows O:
Thank God for my busy-bee whom I messaged the whole of last night (:
Christine
6:38 PM
3:50 AM
"I've become so numbed I can't feel you now."
Oh wait, what am I to feel when you're not even here? Romantic dreams must die.
And indeed, my batteries have been burnt out long ago, it no longer matters if they've been recharged. Neither do I know when they'll die out on me, but it doesn't matter..
Now I can truly say: I've done what I could. And there's nothing more I can do. I won't even try now, not anymore.
All I need of a guy now, is to be able to buy my 1060 shoes and 600 bags. Have I forgot to add on that they must all be only from:
Salvatore Ferragamo
Christian Louboutin
Gucci
Chanel
Prada
Coach
Burberry
Celine
Fendi
The first thing I'll say to the next guy I date; "Save your breath on the honeyed words and cheesy promises, just give me the shoes and bags, baby." I'm pretty much wasted now, but it doesn't matter.
.
You’re in my arms And all the world is gone The music playing on for only two So close together And when I’m with you So close to feeling alive
A life goes by Romantic dreams must die So I bid mine goodbye and never knew So close was waiting, waiting here with you And now forever I know All that I want is to hold you So close
So close to reaching that famous happy ending Almost believing this was not pretending And now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come So far we are so close
Oh How could I face the faceless days If I should lose you now? We’re so close To reaching that famous happy ending And almost believing this was not pretending Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are So close So close And still so far
Christine
3:50 AM
1:53 AM
Just got home from Jo's house a while ago and just bathed. Gotta get on with PW again now. Pfft. My entire PW group is online now, at close to 2am :O
Christine
1:53 AM
12:26 AM
Christian's keeping me sane now. PW is a bitch, for the umpteenth time.
):
Christine
12:26 AM
Monday, October 27, 2008
9:36 PM
Don't look back in anger.
Thank God for friends, good friends, close friends, new found friends, dearest friends, fantastic friends, funny friends, whacky friends, best friends, lovely friends, nonsensical friends, crappy friends, beautiful friends, nice friends, caring friends, adorable friends, my friends.
Hahaha, hey Christian! I read your blog! (: Aww, so sweet (:
You'll always be held close to my heart too, forever, bro (:
Christine
9:36 PM
6:33 PM
PW PW PW PW PW! Lol. (At Jo's house)
Bahhhh.
Having so much to say but watching you walk away.
.
I'm holding on your rope Got me ten feet off the ground And I'm hearing what you say But I just can't make a sound You tell me that you need me Then you go and cut me down But wait... You tell me that you're sorry Didn't think I'd turn around and say...
That it's too late to apologize, it's too late I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you And I need you like a heart needs a beat (But that's nothing new) Yeah yeah
I loved you with a fire red, now it's turning blue And you say "Sorry" like the angel, heaven let me think was you But I'm afraid...
It's too late to apologize, it's too late I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late Woahooo woah
It's too late to apologize, it's too late I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late I said it's too late to apologize, yeahah I said it's too late to apologize, yeahah
I'm holding on your rope Got me ten feet off the ground.
Christine
6:33 PM
2:10 AM
Its been pretty eventful these days so far.
And I've come to realise all that I've got. Which is safe to say, pretty much. Good friends, best friends, supporting friends. Everyone.
SSA wasn't that bad afterall, though I went into the competition 10 minutes late, because there were no lanes left and Coach Eddie only managed to give me a lane after confirming that it was available. And, though I had to rush and everything and I didn't even change into my shoes due to the lack of time, I managed to shoot my normal average of 357. And considering that its only just after the long break I had, I think its okay. So I wasn't too upset with my score.
Made a new friend today though. Its quite cool, like there's alot to talk about between the 2 of us, and he is really really funny, and flattering and nice. Had a good time talking to him, and I've learnt many small things about shooting too. Like, he gives me hints and tips on certain stuff as well. Interesting. Thats why I like Safra. Everyone knows everyone. And its like.. home.
Christian has also been great company as well. Texting him has always and still is, a joy. Its like we never run out of things to say and its interesting because its been this way since Secondary 1. Ranked one of my most favourite boys for nearly the longest period of time (:
Rina's coming over to stay over tonight. She's coming over later, and I'm still texting Christian and I wanna go bathe later. Lol.
Christine
2:10 AM
1:33 AM
Recommended by Cheston, but the song is so good and so true.
f I were a boy, even just for a day I'd roll out of bed in the morning and throw on what I wanted and go Drink beer with the guys, and chase after girls I'd kick it with who I wanted and I'd never get confronted for it Cause they stick up for me
If I were a boy I think I could understand How it feels to love a girl I swear I'd be a better man I'd listen to her Cause I know how it hurts When you lose the one you wanted Cause he's taken you for granted And everything you had got destroyed
If I were a boy, I would turn off my phone Tell everyone it's broken so they think that I was sleeping alone I'd put myself first and make the rules as I go Cause I know that she'd be faithful, waiting for me to come home To come home
If I were a boy I think I could understand, oh-oh-oohh-oh How it feels to love a girl I swear I'd be a better man I'd listen to her Cause I know how it hurts When you lose the one you wanted Cause he's taken you for granted And everything you had got destroyed
It's a little too late for you to come back Say it's just a mistake, think I'd forgive you like that If you thought I would wait for you You got it wrong
But you're just a boy And you don't understand (yea, you don't understand, oh!) How it feels to love a girl someday You wish you were a better man You don't listen to her You don't care how it hurts Until you lose the one you wanted Because you've taken her for granted And everything you had got destroyed
But you're just a boy
Christine
1:33 AM
Sunday, October 26, 2008
7:33 PM
CRASH AND BURN!
PW PW PW PW PW PW! PFFT!
.
I thought I saw a man brought to life He was warm, he came around like he was dignified He showed me what it was to cry Well you couldnt be that man I adored You dont seem to know, dont seem to care what your heart is for But I dont know him anymore Theres nothing where he used to lie My conversation has run dry Thats whats going on, nothings fine Im torn
Im all out of faith, this is how I feel Im cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor Illusion never changed into something real Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn Youre a little late, Im already torn
So I guess the fortune tellers right Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light To crawl beneath my veins and now I dont care, I have no luck, I dont miss it all that much Theres just so many things that I cant touch, Im torn
Im all out of faith, this is how I feel Im cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor Illusion never changed into something real Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn Youre a little late, Im already torn. torn.
Theres nothing where he used to lie My inspiration has run dry Thats whats going on, nothings right, Im torn
Im all out of faith, this is how I feel Im cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor Illusion never changed into something real Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn Im all out of faith, this is how I feel Im cold and Im ashamed bound and broken on the floor Youre a little late, Im already torn
Christine
7:33 PM
2:18 AM
Mmm. Insomniac, maybe?
.
Long ago Just like the hearse you die to get in again We are so far from you
Burning on just like a match you strike to incinerate The lives of everyone you know And what's the worst you take (worst you take) From every heart you break (heart you break) And like the blade you stain (blade you stain) Well I've been holding on tonight
[Chorus] What's the worst thing I could say? Things are better if I stay So long and goodnight So long and goodnight
Came a time When every star fall brought you to tears again We are the very hurt you sold And what's the worst you take (worst you take) From every heart you break (heart you break) And like the blade you stain (blade you stain) Well I've been holding on tonight
[Chorus] What's the worst thing I could say? Things are better if I stay So long and goodnight So long and goodnight Well if you carry on this way Things are better if I stay So long and goodnight So long and goodnight
Can you hear me? Are you near me? Can we pretend to leave and then We'll meet again When both our cars collide?
[Chorus] What's the worst thing I could say? Things are better if I stay So long and goodnight So long and goodnight Well if you carry on this way Things are better if I stay So long and goodnight So long and goodnight
Christine
2:18 AM
1:12 AM
Procrastination. Hehe.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALAN! (:
.
Did I disappoint you or let you down? Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown? 'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won
So I took what's mine by eternal right Took your soul out into the night It may be over but it won't stop there I am here for you if you'd only care
You touched my heart you touched my soul You changed my life and all my goals And love is blind and that I knew when My heart was blinded by you I've kissed your lips and held your head Shared your dreams and shared your bed I know you well, I know your smell I've been addicted to you
Goodbye my lover Goodbye my friend You have been the one You have been the one for me
Goodbye my lover Goodbye my friend You have been the one You have been the one for me
I am a dreamer and when I wake You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take And as you move on, remember me Remember us and all we used to be
Christine
1:12 AM
1:03 AM
Omg, 'Hey Jude' was so apt. Yes, WAS.
I promise, as of today, my blog will no longer be emo. And I will not sound depressing ever again.
(:
.
Hey jude, dont make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better. Remember to let her into your heart, Then you can start to make it better.
Hey jude, dont be afraid. You were made to go out and get her. The minute you let her under your skin, Then you begin to make it better.
And anytime you feel the pain, hey jude, refrain, Dont carry the world upon your shoulders. For well you know that its a fool who plays it cool By making his world a little colder.
Hey jude, dont let me down. You have found her, now go and get her. Remember to let her into your heart, Then you can start to make it better.
So let it out and let it in, hey jude, begin, Youre waiting for someone to perform with. And dont you know that its just you, hey jude, youll do, The movement you need is on your shoulder.
Hey jude, dont make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better. Remember to let her under your skin, Then youll begin to make it Better better better better better better, oh.
Christine
1:03 AM
12:13 AM
The 7 things that I hate about you.
O, Death and Damnation.
Christine
12:13 AM
Saturday, October 25, 2008
11:31 PM
Just got home from meeting Christian and Jeffston half and hour ago. Hmm.
Meeting Lawrence tomorrow at Pasir Ris MRT to go to Safra together for our monthly shoot along with Nigel, Dad's fetching us.
Christine
11:31 PM
2:56 PM
To all who care (especially my friends in 1T04, Jo, Pat, Sab, Jon, Xiu, etc, etc, and also Joyna):
Don't worry all of you, I'll brace myself. As of today. I'll stop being such an emotional wreck in school and flare up at the slightest thing, don't worry. Especially Jo, that overly concerned woman who is constantly confused, but I am so close to. I'll be okay, you all. I love all of you!
PS, don't worry, I'll make sure I won't implode too.
<3
Thank God for wonderful friends who make living in this horrible world all worth it.
Christine
2:56 PM
12:00 PM
We’re so close To reaching that famous happy end
So close, So close. And still so far..
Christine
12:00 PM
11:47 AM
Hey there Delilah What's it like in New York City? I'm a thousand miles away But girl, tonight you look so pretty Yes you do Times Square can't shine as bright as you I swear it's true
Hey there Delilah Don't you worry about the distance I'm right there if you get lonely Give this song another listen Close your eyes Listen to my voice, it's my disguise I'm by your side
Oh it's what you do to me Oh it's what you do to me Oh it's what you do to me Oh it's what you do to me What you do to me
Hey there Delilah I know times are getting hard But just believe me, girl Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar We'll have it good We'll have the life we knew we would My word is good
Hey there Delilah I've got so much left to say If every simple song I wrote to you Would take your breath away I'd write it all Even more in love with me you'd fall We'd have it all
Oh it's what you do to me Oh it's what you do to me Oh it's what you do to me Oh it's what you do to me
A thousand miles seems pretty far But they've got planes and trains and cars I'd walk to you if I had no other way Our friends would all make fun of us and we'll just laugh along because we know That none of them have felt this way Delilah I can promise you That by the time we get through The world will never ever be the same And you're to blame
Hey there Delilah You be good and don't you miss me Two more years and you'll be done with school And I'll be making history like I do You'll know it's all because of you We can do whatever we want to Hey there Delilah here's to you This one's for you
Oh it's what you do to me Oh it's what you do to me Oh it's what you do to me Oh it's what you do to me What you do to me.
Christine
11:47 AM
2:16 AM
OH, and sorry Cheston!
I promised I'd call him at 6am to wake him up for his O's Maths paper which was at 8am, because his parents were away and no one's home. But I only did at 7.15am to check if he was already on his way to school. Luckily he already was awake. Thank God.
Christine
2:16 AM
1:42 AM
Just got home. Disillusioned. Confused.
Went for shooting training at 5.30pm, but I was late and got off Dad's car at only 5.40pm. The first person I saw was Daniel. L, and he sat behind me while I was setting up and he did the "I'm-staring-at-you" sign. He's damn funny, I swear. Oh, and his training ended even before I was there.
After shooting, while packing up, he was still around and he decided to wear my red Converse high-cuts although we were a few sizes away. He actually managed to wear my shoe, and the difference between our shoe sizes is about 5 fingers. He told me to try his shoe and I could insert all my fingers at the back with some more space even. He is damn damn damn funny. Omg. Oh, and I found out he stays in Pasir Ris too. Cool huh.
Anyways, after shooting, I met Joanne on the train at Bishan, and we on the way before making our way to The Cathay to meet our dearest friendzxzxzxz at about 8pm+. It was a good gathering overall. But I left a while later when Dad came at close to 10.30pm, and we made our way back to the East, picked Nig up and went for our late-night movie. Caught HSM3, its my first HSM movie I have ever watched. Honestly, and it was alright. Quite good. Hmm.
Christine
1:42 AM
Friday, October 24, 2008
1:46 PM
I never knew I could hurt like this And everyday life goes on like "I wish I could talk to you for awhile" "I wish I could find a way try not to cry" As time goes by And soon as you reach a better place Still I'll give the whole world to see your face And I'm right here next to you It feels like you gone too soon The hardest thing to do is say bye bye
Christine
1:46 PM
1:21 PM
Horrible mood swings.
Sorry friendxzxzxzx! I've been flaring quite alot, especially at Jon when I have always been able to take his jokes. But its just the past few days. SORRY JON, I STILL LOVE YOU OKAY! xoxo.
Horrible mood swings. And I don't know why, neither do I know what I can do about it.
Wednesday, Pat left at 4am, Just left at close to 6am, and Jo just stayed all the way with me and we went to school together the next day. Didn't get any sleep at all. But I walked in class with a can of coffee on my table, Justin got one can for everyone in CJ013. So sweet and I needed it.
Yesterday, had the CCA leaders meeting with Bro Paul, then met Yoke and Jo in class and left for home. They came over to do PW, and Just and Pat came over soon, after going to AMK to settle the stuff for class CIP this Sunday. PW all the way till close to 11pm before they all went home. I was three-quarters brain dead yesterday, and I thank every single one of them, Yoke, Jo, Just and Pat, for tolerating me.
Today's a horrible day. But 1T04 won one of the best class awards for something I can't remember out of the 2 awards, and we won a big hamper. Surprised, happy, shocked, elated..
Then my mood descended back to the bottomless pit.
I need to end this off with an apology to all who have "sufferred my wrath" the past few days and I really appreciate every one of you who have been here with me, and tolerated me. Love you all!
.
I always needed time on my own I never thought I'd need you there when I cried And the days feel like years when I'm alone And the bed where you lie Is made up on your side
When you walk away I count the steps that you take Do you see how much I need you right now?
When you're gone The pieces of my heart, I'm missing you When you're gone The face I came to know is missing too When you're gone The words I need to hear to always get me through the day And make it ok
I miss you
I've never felt this way before Everything that I do, reminds me of you, and the clothes you left, that lie on the floor And they smell just like you I love the things that you do
When you walk away I count the steps that you take Do you see how much I need you right now?
When you're gone The pieces of my heart are missing you And When you're gone The face I came to know is missing too And When you're gone The words I need to hear to always get me through the day And make it ok
(I miss you )
We were made for each other Out here forever I know we were Yeah yeah And all I ever wanted was for you to know everything I do I give my heart and soul I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me Yeah...
When you're gone The pieces of my heart are missing you And When you're gone The face I came to know is missing too And When you're gone The words I need to hear, will always get me through the day And make it ok
I miss you...
Christine
1:21 PM
Thursday, October 23, 2008
8:47 PM
If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today? If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way? If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all
I never know what the future brings But I know you are here with me now We’ll make it through And I hope you are the one I share my life with
I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am? Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed? If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head? If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life? If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?
I don’t know why you’re so far away But I know that this much is true We’ll make it through And I hope you are the one I share my life with And I wish that you could be the one I die with And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with I hope I love you all my life
I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?
‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today ‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right And though I can’t be with you tonight And know my heart is by your side
I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am Is there any way that I
Christine
8:47 PM
1:46 AM
PW is a bitch.
Patsy, Justin and Jo are still here. And we just completed one of our videos! So excited. I'll upload them on my blog next time. I love PW team mates!
OH, AND JO IS STAYING OVER! (:
GOGOGO.
Christine
1:46 AM
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
11:42 PM
Tekong tomorrow to visit the muscular hunky (I think, maybe?) soldiers. Mm, Tekong, soldiers, hot bods (HAHA -.-"), but all meaningless and redundant.
What hurts the most now then?
Christine
11:42 PM
10:13 PM
I may get retained. :s
Improved and had at least a minimum of sub-passes for H2 subjects, but pulled down by MYE ):
Missed S by 2 points for 2 subjects ):
But the class is so sweet. They were all so supportive and all of them were so sweet. They told me to not worry and I won't be left behind. What class can possibly be better than T04? ):
Christine
10:13 PM
Monday, October 20, 2008
10:31 PM
Movie with Mark, Jon and Jo. So cool I tell you.
Watched Max Payne at The Cathay just now. It was so good. At least I liked the concept of it. I really needed this. This outing, so called. Thanks Jo, Jon and Mark, for making it a good one.
I dont want tomorrow to come.
Christine
10:31 PM
Sunday, October 19, 2008
10:33 PM
OMG. HAHA, HILARIOUSLY RETARDED.
Christine
10:33 PM
10:16 PM
Shooting in the morning, PW meeting at NLB from 1pm all the way till 7pm.
I think I've found my form of escape. Shooting's my form of escapade. So I've got it all planned out. On Tuesday, after I get my results, I'm going to Safra. I want to go shooting. Its no longer a matter of want, but rather a need. Its the only thing thats keeping me going now, everything I do and all. Its really just so that I can get to shoot another time. And I've never found any other sport or hobby for that matter that I have this amount of passion in. It amazes me.
Anyways, PW meeting never really lasted that long anyways. Justin and Pat's friend, Ee Thai, joined us today. I'm fascinated by his fabulous video editing skills. He's the best among our age, I've ever came across so far, I tell you. I watched his video in awe and I honestly honestly, am bought over by his fantastic skills. Jo and I were blown away by his videos. Even Just was. Lol.
Anyways, PW ended at about 4+pm but we all sat at Hans and talked more and chatted while waiting for the rain to stop. Yoke left earlier, and Pat left when the rain stopped, while Ee Thai, Just, Jo and I headed to Liang Seah for Ah-Chew Desserts. Its so yummmayyyeeee. Heh. Left them at 7pm to meet Mommy at Suntec before heading home.
I'm gonna go watch failblogs now on YouTube as suggested by Yoke! (:
Christine
10:16 PM
Saturday, October 18, 2008
8:04 PM
DEFEATED!
Bruised and battered by your words, Dazed and shattered now it hurts. Haven't I always loved you?
Christine
8:04 PM
7:52 AM
OMG I fell asleep last night while researching for MMORPG stuff and when I woke up today, I found 11 conversations open. Sorry guys!
Christine
7:52 AM
Friday, October 17, 2008
7:45 PM
Today's been busy.
PW task allocation after school, and the meeting for all CCA leaders, then had to rush off to Safra Yishun for shooting training! Lawrence and Dexter were there when I went, so talked till I started training. Heh. I just cannot describe how much I actually love doing this. Shooting.
I'm feeling very temperamental and paranoid. Save me.
Christine
7:45 PM
Thursday, October 16, 2008
8:13 PM
Defeated. Cold. Lonely. Afraid. Upset.
Desperate for an answer. Desperate for salvation.
Someone save me from myself.
Christine
8:13 PM
8:00 PM
Another futile struggle to nothingness.
When will all these be put to a stop? When will it finally end?
I might really be suffering from the post-exam blues. Clinging on to the hopes of promotion is tiring and exhausting. Can i say I'm already worn out? Can I say I'm already reduced to no more than fear and paranoia? I'm afraid, and for once I really am. I'm feeling anxious, worried, afraid, scared, I want to move on with 1T04.
I'm getting scared. And Tuesday is drawing horrifyingly near. I don't want it to ever come. I don't want to have to face facts. I still want to run. Someone take me away from this place. Anywhere. Anyone. I just need to get out, get out of all these. Someone take me away, please.
Christine
8:00 PM
7:26 PM
ZOMG I have many things to do! :O
Reminder to self:
1. Organize a meeting for Coach and Lao Shi (get the other captains and junyi along if possible) 2. Assign tasks for PW 3. Do History Tut 2 4. Buy Mark chocolates. 5. Write Mark a birthday card/post-it or something along that line.
Christine
7:26 PM
6:31 PM
HAPPY BIRTHDAY: MARK, HAZEL, MS NG, JOYNA AND DENISE (:
BIRTHDAY CELEBRATIONS TODAY WERE EXCEPTIONALLY FUN. MARK GOT TAUPOKKED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE QUADRANGLE. THEN THE BOYS GOT LOCKED OUT OF THE CLASS BY THE GIRLS WHILE WE ATE THE DELICIOUS PRETTY CAKE MELVIN BAKED IN FRONT OF THEM FROM INSIDE. ONLY LET THEM IN AFTER THEY DID THE CHICKEN DANCE. THEN JO, SAM, SAB, FEL AND ME GOT LOCKED OUT BY THE GUYS AS REVENGE BECAUSE THEY THINK WE INSTIGATED IT. MARK VERY KINDLY TRIED TO PULL ME IN THE CLASS WHILE PATRICK WAS GRABBING ME OUT THOUGH. THANKS MARK!
DELICIOUS CAKE, FUN PEOPLE, CRAZY LAUGHTER, I LOVE 1T04.
NOT FORGETTING FLOWERS FOR 1T04 BY HAZEL.
THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES (:
Christine
6:31 PM
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
10:09 PM
Went for shooting training today. Never felt more happy the past few weeks being elsewhere. I was glad i was there at the range again, been far away for far too long. I don't want to ever have to be away from the shooting range this long.
Gone are the days where I was, or could, be happy.
Now happiness is only found in the form of shooting, family and friends. Love is no longer an option, at least not a reasonable or rationale choice.
I must be stupid to opt to go through all that again, hasn't once, twice, been enough?
I&R draft 1 to be in tomorrow, OP in 2 weeks, A levels Mother Tongue end of this month, screw it. Since when was life all about stress?
PW IS A BITCH.
Christine
10:09 PM
Monday, October 13, 2008
9:17 PM
1T04 is cool. The coolest class ever. Today we took a class photo on the polaroid camera. Its a beautiful picture, the class is.
My only source of support.
Christine
9:17 PM
Sunday, October 12, 2008
8:29 PM
The art of tough love.
Baby, at this rate you're going you're never gonna get it right.
School tomorrow! ): And I'll miss the meeting, but its ok, I'll be in school >.<
Christine
8:29 PM
Saturday, October 11, 2008
11:00 PM
Started reading The Notebook yesterday and finished it today. My eyes had been like a water tap, only that it was a faulty one, with the ability to only turn in the clockwise direction so you could never close it. Its like opening Pandora's Box, never able to close it again.
It was beautiful. Too beautiful. I wanted more, longed for more, yearned. Nicholas Spark is honestly, fabulous.
I'm going to start on A Walk To Remember.
I'm an emotional wreck when it comes to sappy love stories like these. >.<
Christine
11:00 PM
8:42 PM
I was appalled today. By the grotesque side of him I saw today. The other side of him I'd always known all along but refused to admit.
His insolent and insensitive side.
But he's my brother, and I love him the way he is. I'm not saying that I'm condoning his bad attitude and character, but while he has his infantile side to him, he's a nice boy, a kind boy deep down. And I know it. Always have and always will.
I've received many comments on how my blog's getting more "emo", or rather, how I'm getting more "emo" on my blog. I guess I've just been put through a rather difficult period and all, and I just needed to rant, needed a place to vent. And this was where all the unhappiness go. Where to ghost of our pasts go, where all that I would want to say to anyone I could entrust my secrets or insecurities with. This blog has been my friend, through the years.
I don't mean to worry anyone because of my posts. But, its just been hard.
And I find it ever so hard to speak out, to tell of my fears, worries, and what not. I just cannot. Fear grips my heart yet again, once more. The promises made and forgotten. I just can't. I believed, and its only making me feel a fool to have, but I know I'm not. And I know I'm right to believe, because you're worth it. And it's probably just recentry as the exams draw near. Its alright, I'll hang in there. I'll come to soon.
Skies are blue inside of you The weather's always fine In this dear Bottle Of Mine
Christine
8:42 PM
6:12 AM
I WANNA GO BACK TO SAFRA THIS SUNDAY TO SHOOT SHOOT SHOOT!
I MISS MY LP 10! PISTOL! ITS LONELY AND SAD, AND PITIFUL. ITS TURNING OLD AND.. AND.. RUSTY?
I REALLY WANNA GO TO SAFRA NOW THAT PROMOS ARE OVER, I'VE NOT BEEN THERE IN AWHILE! ):
Provided I'm already feeling better/recovered from flu or cough that is, though the odds are small ):
Christine
6:12 AM
Friday, October 10, 2008
9:02 PM
Shows/Movies to watch during this (very busy and packed) holiday:
A Walk to Remember The Notebook Raise Your Voice Gossip Girl One Tree Hill (Yes, I know its pretty late)
Though I'm not so sure if I can finish them all, considering that I have Overseas CIP, intensive shooting trainings, short trips with my family, and of course, to study hard for next year, regardless of whether or not I get retained in J1 or successfully promoted to J2 (though highly unlikely), I doubt I have the time.
Note to self: I must get the song 'So Close'. Honestly, I must.
Christine
9:02 PM
6:51 AM
Fell terribly sick for the past 2 days. My mild flu and cough developed into a high fever on Wednesday while studying with Jo, Jon, Aloy and Mark. Met Mommy at Suntec and she drove me home. Dragged me to the doctor after she found out I was having a fever. Bah, doctors mean medicine ):
Anyways, yesterday, went to school for my last promos paper; Lit. I could barely think. I stared at the poem and the prose and was deciding which one to choose for the first 10 minutes. And later had to start writing at the speed of light (exaggeration) which was all crap because I could barely think. The Brave New World's part was worse. I just crapped my way through, smoked through the entire thing and regurgitated out all I knew.
Took the bus with Xiuwen to Paya Lebar, and Mommy told me to take the taxi home, but I was already on the train's platform and anyways I wanted to go to White Sands to get the Fox's sweets for Dan, and the styrofoam for Mom, so after getting all of the stuff, I took a taxi from Whitesands. Came home, bathed and slept.
Slept from 12pm to 2.45pm, when Dan came. He then helped to sponge me to bring my temperature down because my temperature rose again. After which, I slept again. Slept for a few more hours. Then I got up, to go downstairs with Dan, where Nig was playing dota, then went up again shortly, to go sleep. Slept till about 6+pm, then I came downstairs again, and slept at the Cosy Corner, but after a while, I went to the living room to sleep on the sofa instead >.< Daniel only left after Dad and Mom came home at about 8pm? Only then Mommy brought me to her rom to sleep. Slept all the way from there then.
Thanks Hun, for coing over to take care of me :x It must have been really boring for him, because I slept all the way. Like, seriously, all the way. So, thank you, for sitting by my side and constantly trying to bring my temperature down. (:
Thanks Mommy and Daddy too (:
MOVIE MARATHON AT MY HOUSE LATER! (:
Now you'd doubt if the above is true. I swear, it is 101% true. Honestly.
Christine
6:51 AM
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
9:38 PM
Sad. Fever. Sick. Down. Scared.
Christine
9:38 PM
Daniel to Danielle
9:27 PM
hun, you're probably upset about everything about what i have did. i have done you wrong. said bad things to you. made you feel upset. but, no. i told you i no longer like her i asked you to be my girlfriend and i knew what i was getting into, i knew this would happen and i knew everything as it was to be. i told you that i really hate her. and i mean it. You bring me happiness in your own way and you are all i need. i want you. you are all i want. if you decide to let me go just because you think you aren't good enough. you should talk to me in person about it so that we can sort things out. don't let this go just like that. we've built us together and i don't want to let us go. i was and still am sure that i want you to be my only one. you are my only one.
you asked me if i would regret. i told you i would not. and i never will. you asked me if i really meant that i love you. and i do. i always will. you asked me to stay. and i told you that i will. and i will stay with you for always. so don't ask me to go. i'll tell you i won't. because i need you. i really do. i'll never leave you.
So let me stay. I'll stay beside you forever. I won't let you go. I'll keep you safe. I'll watch over you. I love you. I always will. and I'll be happy, eternally happy. Just to be with you. This i know for sure. This is for everyone to see. Us is only for you and me. So don't give up, don't give in. Cause i'll be your pillar. I'll be all you need. I'll be here, always. Together we'll be happy, for-eternity. Daniel will always sit next to Christine. No matter what.
I'll be your shelter. I'll be your fate. I'll be forever.
P.S I Love You Sincerely : Daniel Christian Tan
Christine
9:27 PM
Monday, October 06, 2008
5:59 PM
Fel, Jo, Sab and Sam came over. Watched The Ring 2 which made us okay, fine, mainly me scream my head off and PS, I Love You which made Fel and me cry and tear because it was so sad.
Its already my second time watching it, and I just cannot resist..
Christine
5:59 PM
Sunday, October 05, 2008
10:02 PM
If I could find you now things would get better We could leave this town and run forever I know somewhere, somehow we'll be together Let your waves crash down on me and take me away
I remember the look in your eyes When I told you that this was goodbye You were begging me not tonight Not here, not now We're looking up at the same night sky And keep pretending the sun will not rise Be together for one more night Somewhere, somehow
Christine
10:02 PM
9:59 PM
My thoughts send me on a carousel.
Christine
9:59 PM
9:30 PM
I'm lost for words And everything I feel for you I wrote down on one piece of paper The one in your hand You won't understand How much it hurts to let you go
Christine
9:30 PM
9:57 AM
Say it isn't so Tell me you're not leaving Say you've changed your mind now, That I am only dreaming, That this is not goodbye, This is starting over Say I'm not wide awake If you wanna know I don't wanna let go, So say it isn't so
Christine
9:57 AM
9:47 AM
And I wish I could laugh it all away.
Probably the last goodbye.
Christine
9:47 AM
1:15 AM
Econs on monday.
I'm feeling really down, and for once the colour that would describe me best at this point in time will be blue.
That wave of nostalgia.
It actually makes me sad, makes me scared. Its all in a post I just blogged on just now, but its in draft. I decided it shouldn't really surface. I'll just keep that where it is now. And I can read back whenever I want.
Shall we go back in time?
That wave of nostalgia; It makes me feel so blue.
When my time comes Forget the wrong that I've done Help me leave behind some Reasons to be missed
And don't resent me And when you're feeling empty Keep me in your memory
The Cab - Vegas Skies...
