please go study already.

2010-08-10T18:29:00.001+08:00

MOVED TO: pen-isenvy.livejournal.com

<3

leave the memories alone.

2009-04-27T00:20:00.004+08:00

I finally bought iPhone! (:

& I'm outta here.

PEN-ISENVY@LJ.COM

you.

2009-04-25T00:23:00.004+08:00

Dear you,

Words can't express how thankful I am to you for being my pillar of strength and for supporting me in rough times like these. I wouldn't know what to do without you. Thank you for being you, and for being here.

Right now, in this point of my life, I cannot ask for more. I'm happy having you around. Its you, and people like you, who make my life a life worth living.

dedicated to a fantastic cow

2009-04-23T20:48:00.006+08:00

RE: NO PARTICULAR MATTER

TO:

CHESTON JAMES OW

(MY BEST COW FRIEND EVER)

Although you really can annoy me so much at times with your constant use of profanities and for teasing me and laughing at me about every SINGLE thing I say or do, in actual fact I really really really like you very very very much and I regard you as one of my closer, better, best male friends. I really enjoy your company and am very thankful for all the advices you've given to me (even though you're supposedly less matured than me, oh wait, I AM more matured than you, and anyone in the clique! :D :D :D), and for all the times you heard me out and heard me rant on about how upset and unjustified I felt, for the times you were there when I cried and just knowing you (and John and the rest) were there for me comforted me and made me feel like I was the happiest gurlzx on earth even though my world (at that time) seemed to collapse on me. Thank you so very much for all that you've done for this clique, and me (I know you have!), for organizing get-togethers every now and then so we won't lose contact and so we won't ever forget each other (although I never will forget you all!). Anywayz, good luck in your greater conquest in life (youth olympics) and you are a great shooter (you already know, dont ask me why am i further boosting your ego). I believe you will be able to achieve whatever you want to do if you set your mind on it, and stupid cow, we MUST keep in contact okay! Wouldn't wanna lose a friend like you! (:
Love you v. v. much, cow!

may my body never touch the ground

2009-04-21T23:39:00.003+08:00

What I want:

Salsa!.. AND THAT!

Seriously. I will, after A's! (:
That's what I want.

& we will dance the night away..
in time to come.

What Do You Know About Love?
Except that you kill
The deeper you cut it
The more it will spill
You flood her with water
When she shows her flame
And you expect her to get up
And feel the same
What Do You Know About Love?
Except that you don't
She gets herself ready
When she will I won't
You drive her away
And you crash to your knees
She seems happier without me
She seems happier without me

Happy Birthday, my favourite bimbo (:

2009-04-20T00:00:00.012+08:00

TO:

John Wong Yun Zhong
(from MJC Year 1, previously from St. Pats, NYT Shooter, bimbotic and bitchy but absolutely fun-loving and funny, not shy, extroverted, hilarious, unique, retarded, mean, awesome, fantastic, great friend, good listener, smug, smirks alot at me, laughs at me, a friend whom Christine is proud to have)!

HAPPY (BELATED) 17TH, BIMBO!
Love you so very very much! Thanks for always being here for me whenever I meet with relationship problems (which is so very often, but not anymore, thank God!), and for constantly reminding me that I'm running out of time with your trademark, "CHRISTINNNEEEEE, J2 ALREADY LEHHHH. YOU NOT SCARED, I SCARED FOR YOU KNOW!". And although you're a year younger, but I get along with you (and that retarded cow!) so well, you guys are really really one of my bestest male pals! (:
<3

Celebrated birthday yesterday at Hard Rock Cafe, and only reached home at 12.45am? We all love you John, and your performance with the live band was awesome! (:

I'll let (only part, of) the pictures do the talking so I can go do my History.

keep me where the light is.

2009-04-18T12:39:00.003+08:00

"Do you know what I touch here?" she said, laying her hands, one upon the other, on her left side.
"Yes, ma'am." (It made me think of the young man.)
"What do I touch?"
"Your heart."
"Broken!"
She uttered the word with an eager look, and with strong emphasis, and with a weird smile that had a kind of boast in it. Afterwards, she kept her hands there for a little while, and slowly took them away as if they were heavy.
"I am tired," said Miss Havisham. "I want diversion, and I have done with men and women. Play."

It fascinates me what love can do to one. Yet when its all over, you look back and the only thing that comes to your mind is; how stupid.
Yes, how stupid. Luckily for me, its all over.. because you found me, and i've got you.

I saw her pass among the extinguished fires, and ascend some light iron stairs, and go out by a gallery high overhead, as if she were going out into the sky.

MONETARY POLICY IS THE MANIPULATION OF R/I AND MS TO ACHIEVE CERTAIN ECONOMIC AIM

2009-04-16T23:10:00.006+08:00

When you thought that it was over
You could feel it all around
And everybody's out to get you
Don't you let it drag you down
'Cos if you ever feel neglected
And if you think that all is lost
I'll be counting up my demons, yeah
Hoping everything's not lost

"Better never means better for everyone, it always means worse for some."
intriguing eh? :]

Couples cuddling, but I'm not envious, I have my own shoulder to lean on, someone I can rely on. I'm more than contented. I'm a very very happy an contented girl! (Even with uncompleted revision for Econs test tomorrow and not finishing today's History test on Economic Development in SEA.)

(((((:

Eggcited and looking forward to the shooting camp! :]
Which, by the way, is 2 whole freaaaking weeks away ):

Can we sleep in the quadrangle, or the piazza under the stars, or the grandstand overseeing the track? (privilege only extended to the J2s! HAHA!) :DDDD
Me thinks me is going to roll down the steps of the grandstand while sleeping. :s

VISIT SIYUAN'S BLOG SHOP!:
www.vgofashion.com

:))))))))))

2009-04-12T21:54:00.005+08:00

I know this is gonna come across as really random, but I love my Mommy (:

hunny bunny mummy

I'll be a good girl and voluntarily surrender my computer now (((:

/continuation (edited).

kiss goodbye.

This last one's for you since you like reading my blog! Don't miss me too much, I'll still be around! (((: hehe!

I'ma happy person (:

2009-04-12T01:14:00.009+08:00

Today's a good day in all, because I've not touched any of my study materials and I've not completed any homework, but I did whatever could have been done for a Saturday to be a good day.

Waking up at 9,45am I decided to go for a jog, and I did at Pasir Ris Park. Jogged for quite a while and headed back. Then I brought Red out for a walk, and at the same time met up with KS to return him his NCC stuffthen he headed to White Sands and I headed to Pasir Ris Park again. Everything was good an tolerable (even Red's laziness to walk and persistence for me to carry him), until we got into a cat fight. 2 (very disturbingly aggressive) cats laid an ambush on my Red, and my Red being civilised and refined (and cowardly or stupid?) stood there not doing anything, leaving me to raise him up from the ground by his leash (like flag raising, only that I'm raising a dog), but this other cat jumped out from the bushes and scratched Red while I was hoisting him up, and because it kinda missed Red, it scratched me too in the midst of its attack. But poor Red bled a little D:

Anyways, things just got better after that and things took a turn for the better. I got a flower (:

So our beautiful class celebrated Aloy's 18th birthday, it was all pretty last minute but rather well-planned I guess. We surprised him at his church and the birthday boy admitted that he expected us to turn up at his house, so he made sure he looked good when he was walking in, HAHA, but it was all in vain (if you'll forgive the pun), then he expected us to surprise him during his bowling training which we never did. I'd say the church was a pretty smart choice, considering the tradition of the class (to turn up at the home, it'd have been too expected?). But this meant, we kept Aloy in disappointment the whole of today until like what, 9.30pm.

Anyway, his parents were so sweet, they bought us all pizza, chicken wings and wedges to fill our hungry stomachs (most of us rushed from buying Aloy's cakes, in the case of Just and Keong, Heidi and Sab had debates, and I came from church after attending 45 minutes of a 3 hour long mass). And all those who didn't have to rush, they all came fromthe other side of the world (Yio Chu Kang, Bukit Timah), and some even had to walk all the way from Bedok MRT station to the church itself (2 pretty long bus stops) until they finally see the light (like literally, shining from the cross). Tell me why I love T04 this much again.

After the church party, some of them left. And Mark, Just, Heidi and myself headed to Siglap's Coffee Club for a drink, and I indulged in the sinful mudpie, but I don't care. Eat first worry later - my motto in life after meeting SB. HAHA! Dad picked me up after his mass at about 12.30am and I reached home at about 1am.

So today will be the day where I will (finally) surrender the laptop to my computer. I want to.

My mom is kewlz. Self-proclaimed.

2009-04-11T01:18:00.002+08:00

Catherine Agatha Soon says: hello! as discussed, pass me your laptop
CHRISTINE; To me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny. says: ok later
Catherine Agatha Soon says: i said to sleep before 11 pm
CHRISTINE; To me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny. says: tomorrow sat
Catherine Agatha Soon says: so >
CHRISTINE; To me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny. says: so later
Catherine Agatha Soon says: you very LA07
CHRISTINE; To me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny. says: whats la07?
Catherine Agatha Soon says: i dont know also ler
Catherine Agatha Soon says: oh, i think that is our LA pic no 07
Catherine Agatha Soon says: sleep now > you naughty girl
CHRISTINE; To me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny. says: -.-"
CHRISTINE; To me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny. says: you dont know then anyhow use words! HAHA
Catherine Agatha Soon says: i click the wrong clip, ..... not don't know..... i so cool

HAHA. CUTE RIGHT? (:

all about you

2009-04-10T14:50:00.002+08:00

'Its all about you' is stuck in my head now. Thanks to JL, CY, Rich and the J2 boys in the shooting club for singing it on guitar in the bus. Nevertheless, they sang the song really well. Cabbage! I'm having earworms! D:

It's all about you (it's about you)
It's all about you baby (it's all about)
It's all about you (it's about you)
It's all about you

Yesterday you asked me something I thought you knew
So I told you with a smile, it's all about you
Then you whispered in my ear and you told me too
Said you'd make my life worthwhile, it's all about you

And I would answer all your wishes
If you ask me to
But if you deny me one of your kisses
Don't know what I'd do
So hold me close and say three words like you used to do
Dancing on the kitchen tiles, it's all about you, yeah!

And I would answer all your wishes
If you ask me to
But if you deny me one of your kisses
Don't know what I'd do
So hold me close and say three words like you used to do
Dancing on the kitchen tiles
Yes you make my life worthwhile
So I told you with a smile
It's all about you

It's all about you (it's about you)
It's all about you baby (it's all about)
It's all about you (it's about you)
It's all about you baby (it's all about)

He's always by your side.

2009-04-09T22:44:00.004+08:00

So anyway, my week has (unofficially) ended, because there's no school tomorrow.

This week's been a pretty tough week, busy, tiring, sadly depressing, and (even more so) today, disappointing. Like all other JC2 students, I got back my PW results today and it was only did serve to make my week worse (accumulated events, dont bother asking). I feel unjustified. All the number of hours put in, the research done, all the travelling to the other side of Singapore (Buona Vista, Braddell, and all the other weird places), and most of all, the days where I barely had 15 minutes of sleep before having to rush to school again, all because of Oral Presentation preparation. In all honesty, I do feel like my efforts have gone to waste and all the hard work put in are unjustified.

But don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. Recognition for my hard work aside, I had fun. I enjoyed every single PW session I had with my group- CJ013. Yoke Mun, Patrick, Joanne and Justin. All the times we've sacrificed; our beautiful mornings which we could have used to sleep in, the nights we could have used to attend some family dinner/function of some sort, and all the weekends which we could have enjoyed with our families instead of cracking our brains at the National Library's Hans thinking of some fabulous idea out of nothing at all. I have no complaints or regrets, whatsoever, and to my dearest PW group mates, congratulations, I think we all did pretty (reasonably) well, although some better than the others, thats besides the point, the point is, we all survived through PW and we got pretty decent grades. Thank you all for making PW a less torturous experience! (HAHA) :D

I bet I got a B because I Blog too much. Get it, get it? Pardon me, I amuse myself sometimes :]

On a more general note, there was >80% As&Bs from the cohort this year in CJ. And everyone in 2T04 managed an A or a B (: (: (:

Be strong, says you. And so I will be.

To my dearest seniors and friends who are soon-to-be confined for 2 whole weeks, good luck to you all! And have fun! It may be tough, but make the best out of it since you STILL have to go in anyway! Good luck to you all! :D

Some pictures of the photo-taking. Where are the rest of the pictures?? :O

J3s before going into army.

2009-04-05T23:36:00.002+08:00

Meet my seniors whom I adore so much.

[23:31:18]
sin yean says:
why dont l4d!!
[23:31:23]
sin yean says:
l4d > poker la
[23:31:33]
emofiedd - fun time's over! says:
poker's better imo
[23:32:04]
CHRISTINE; you'll take me where street lights glow, now my feet won't touch the ground. says:
HAHA
[23:32:18]
Ky : says:
l4d always play
[23:32:36]
emofiedd - fun time's over! says:
yea man l4d before army? do smth else ah
[23:32:53]
CHRISTINE; you'll take me where street lights glow, now my feet won't touch the ground. says:
HAHAHA
[23:33:10]
CHRISTINE; you'll take me where street lights glow, now my feet won't touch the ground. says:
you go in army gonna go shooting alr. still want to play shooting games before you go in?
[23:33:41]
emofiedd - fun time's over! says:
sy, i guess christine's talking to u
[23:33:57]
CHRISTINE; you'll take me where street lights glow, now my feet won't touch the ground. says:
hahahahhahahaha
[23:34:07]
sin yean says:
GO ARMY NO L4D
[23:34:08]
CHRISTINE; you'll take me where street lights glow, now my feet won't touch the ground. says:
only sy wanna l4d is it o.O
[23:34:16]
sin yean says:
you think got lan in tekong isit
[23:34:23]
Ky : says:
no poker in army

when everything was falling apart.

2009-04-05T22:33:00.002+08:00

Justin Ho called just now and it reminded me of the conversation I had with Sean and Val in Safra on Thursday. Haha!

Justin was sitting with me, talking, and when he left..
Sean: Eh, why does he look so familiar?
Val: Maybe its because he was a child actor and you've seen him somewhere around before???
Me: Wait, he's a child actor?? o.O OH RIGHT!

Riiiiight, and I didn't even know throughout the times we talked and all! Haha! Oh then Sean had to go on to tease me about... SEAAAAANNNN, YOU'RE A MEANIE!

Ok, I gotta go do my SBQ now. I have 4 more sources to go ):

cause you stole my eyes and i'll never look back

2009-04-05T14:40:00.003+08:00

I detest the feeling of knowing you have something urgent to do, and yet, you'd rather do every other thing, except it. I hate having to rush things out because of a dateline to meet. Yes, I'm referring to homework.

I feel really random now, not entirely sad, not entirely happy, I just feel something. Maybe I'll know what that something is.. someday. The only things in my mind now's song lyrics. Song lyrics from different songs, like I'm thinking of one line from a song, and another line from a completely different song. I feel this incoherent, this incoherent.

Swallow the words that I was meant to say.
The only one who has enough of me to break my heart.
Cause you stole my eyes and I'll never look back.
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colours.
You had me from hello.
Forget about the guns and forget ammunition, cause I'm killing them all on my own little mission.
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain.

Thank God I've got you.

I wanna be a pokemon and self-destruct.

you became the light on the dark side of me.

2009-04-03T20:37:00.027+08:00

Currently, I'm in a (very) zen mood. I don't wanna break this peace. It feels like the world's finally slowing down tonight, everything's calm, composed. I just want to enjoy this. I need this.

I'ma bring my Red down for a walk. Will continue blogging this post later when I'm back.
(:

/continued.
Okay its 12.34 am on the 5th April. I know, my later never really did come on the day itself and I took long enough. Anyways, Red decided to give me some belated April Fool's prank of some (dog) sorts. While taking him out for the walk, he suddenly stopped and sat down, lied down, and refused to go on, maybe he was tired, but he refused to walk. So I had to carry him from Downtown East all the way home. -.-"

Words can't describe how I feel now. I don't even know how I feel now. Today went pretty well, but so many things have happened of late, and I feel like I've been put through heaven and hell at the same time. I've experience the best (and the worst) of both worlds, and frankly, its just confusing me. Ignorance is bliss. To be honest, I'd rather not know anything and go on leading my happy (ignorant) life. I'd volunteer being kept in the dark, but the truth is, it'll no longer be the case, I've stumbled onto things I should never know, things which will ruin this, things.. I don't want to know.

Everything will seem the same, but things will never be the same. Not for me.
I don't like this feeling.

Thankfully, I've got you here for me. I wouldn't know what to do.

Enough of sounding so emotional and depressing. Here are the pictures for the Prize Presentation for the 13th Inter-school Shooting Nationals Championship.

Great job all shooters of CJC. Love you all very very much, thank you for making all of this possible!

Congrats to APM for winning 2nd in Nationals and winning South zone Gold (:
And last but not least, to my dearest Air Pistol Women's team. Thank you so very much for allowing me to end off my term as captain with a bang (literally), you girls are a great team to lead and I'll miss all the time spent with you girls, but we'll still hang out. I promise, love you all!

This one's for you girls, one of the two teams (the other's last year's APW) in the world who'll bring me this much sense of joy and accomplishment. The trophy, the medals, they're all for you.

03rd April 2009, Prize Presentation.

I really, really, really want an iPhone..

you make me right when i fall.

2009-04-02T22:05:00.017+08:00

Contented enough. We'll settle for second then (in Nationals and South-zone), an improvement from last year's third. But we could have gotten first.. First if I had not screwed up and pulled the team down with my score of 347. Not that my team blames me for it, or that I regret shooting this badly. I have no regrets, I think I've done my best for what I could have today, and I'm perfectly fine, its just a waste, not being able to win team gold at Nationals, among all the JCs because we lost to NJ by 1 point. But its okay.

Good job to all of you girls, I'm so very proud of you. The pressure was on especially after we received news that the Pistol Men's team won 2nd at Nationals and team first in the South zone, which we never thought was possible because it contained the top schools like NJ and RJ in shooting (in fact, NJ, RJ and CJ are the only schools in the South zone), and NJ and RJ never failed to emerge top, but the pistol boys proved us all wrong yesterday. Although I was truly happy for the boys, I was afraid too, because everyone (teachers, coaches, and the shooters) expected my team to do well, or at least be the highest achieving team in the club. But I don't think we've let them down. Fantastic job, girls! Congrats Eunice, for winning Individual gold!

Special thanks to the helpers today for taking the time off and coming down to Safra at 7.50am in the morning.

Highlight of the day: CJC won RJC in pistol again today (like yesterday).

I won't complain.

CJC SHOOTERS:
Good job for all the hardwork you've put in, and time set aside for trainings (which are so very frequent), kudos to all of you for the good fight you've put up. Good job, CJ Shooting Club, love every one of you very very much! Everyone, every single one of you (non-school team included) are winners to me.

Stayed from morning till night. Dinner with the RJ people, Justin, Daniel Lau and Glenn (my neighbour) and Glenn's dad gave Daniel and me a lift back home at 9+pm.

Congrats to all the winners (more like those I can remember);
[NJC] Akshay, Gerald, Samantha
[RJC] Justin, Daniel Lau ( A Div Individual First)
[SPS] Bradley, Albert, Daniel Toh, Sameer, Jeremy Yuen (for shooting better than last year!), Dylan, Ted
[CJC] EVERYONE!

PS, APW please check the shooting board whenever you're free, I'll put something up there by tomorrow!

PPS, I hope you all like the chocolates!

Now my feet won't touch the ground.

2009-03-31T22:04:00.006+08:00

Pictures from the time (not-very-long) before.

ALFRESCO (27/03/09)

Yes yes, Anderson's Classic with Emo after Alfresco at AMK Hub! (:

APW AFTER SSA MONTHLY SHOOT (29/03/09):

APW OUTING BEFORE TRAINING (22/03/09):

To my girlies in APW:
Nationals are horrifyingly near, in barely 2 days away, and some of you may be feeling all jittery and nervous, filled with anticipation for our big day to come, and its only normal to feel so, but remember, what's most important is to do your best, regardless of the outcome (we can deal with that later when the time comes), I have faith in all of you, and I love every single one of you for all the times we've shared training together. We'll still continue to go out. And my team, our team, we'll always be the best in my heart. Thanks for all the good memories, girls! (:

With <3,
your captain.

And the reason is you.

2009-03-30T22:30:00.002+08:00

I was checking out Wee's blog and I found this (one of his post)..

13 March 2009;
ct was officially over ytd.
.
.
.
this was what happened after our econs paper ytd:
went to far east for lunch with 2t04 before we split up,
i went to kovan with some of the class for lan.
apparently some went for movie and others went shopping.
yup, and it was l4d for the afternoon.
the dream team(aloy, jon and me) + christine vs mark, justin, elijah and keong.
it was fun overall, juz that the tank spawn at almost every stage spoiled the game.
christine has become less of a 'liability' than she was previously. XD
but still i would always aim her when we were the opposing team at some point.
went to botak jones for dinner b4 going home.

.

How very comforting. And I never was a liability, and I'm completely ostracized! (dream team+christine) :O But nevermind, they'll still have me in their team, regardless. Heh heh (:

history night 2009

2009-03-29T01:24:00.011+08:00

5 acts put together, with fantastic scripts, amazing acting skills, fabulous plots. A twist to the conventional history you and me learn, a reason to not stereotype History and associate it to 'boring' again.

2T04 did really well, our best performance put up, from the time of the rehearsal till now. I'm glad we did Hazel proud and her hard work is justified. I'm so proud of 2T04, so very proud of you all. And I love every single one of you. Every single one.

Band of brothers: Great job guys, we actually sang aloud this time and we went all out, practically. So very proud! Thanks Mark, for being a great leader and leading us, Keong + Wee + Jon for being so supportive of whatever new (insane) ideas Sab and I come up with, and lastly, Sab, for all the joy you've brought! Its a pleasure working with all of you, and I had so much fun thinking of more ways in which we can all act retarded but fun. Love all the times we try getting our act together (though prior to the real performance we only had 1, yes 1, successful attempt).

So I present you, the band of brothers, I know its not entirely brothers, because there's Sab and I, but still, we're probably the sexiest soldiers you'll ever find! HAHA! (: Egoistic now, but heck! Mulan to the max. pls! (: Oh, and the juniors were checking Jon out when he went on stage! :P

Feeling accomplished because I managed to restrain myself from the urge of blogging and coming online, for the past one week. I'll start making blogging a weekly affair now.

And now I'm itching for the tall grass
And longing for the breeze
I need to step outside
Just to see if I can breathe
I gotta find a way out
Maybe there's a way out

You're voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder

TWILIGHT!

2009-03-22T21:17:00.002+08:00

YAY! I AM THE HAPPIEST GIRL ALIVE BECAUSE TWILIGHT IS FINALLY OUT AND DADDY BOUGHT ME THE DVD. YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY! :D :D :D

I'M GONNA ENJOY THE COMPANY OF EDWARD CULLEN FOR THE NEXT 1234567890 DAYS! :P
(:

Someday we'll know why Samson loved Delilah.

2009-03-21T21:03:00.003+08:00

HAHA WATCH THIS! NIG SHOWED IT TO ME, AND I'VE PLAYED IT OVER MORE THAN 5 TIMES NOW ITS DAMN FUNNY!

Did the captain of the Titanic cry?

2009-03-21T03:08:00.024+08:00

Just came home.

Today's been pretty busy. My day started off with training in Safra at 7.30am with the Air Pistol Women girls, but Junyi couldn't make it. So it was Emo, Joleen and myself. The Air Rifle Mens team were there too, plus Nic Tham! Haha.

After training I didn't wanna go back to school again because I've already went back for the rest of the days. So I went to catch a movie instead with Jon in town, watched Street Fighters and it wasn't too bad. Made our way to Parkway Parade and it was raining cats and dogs when we got there but luckily, Stupid Boy had an umbrella (: Went for lunch before meeting the rest of the shooters, and we both went to buy ice-cream so we had to walk there ourselves and catch up with them, but the ice-cream was so good it was worth it :D Ice-cream = happy food!

Rented our bikes and like last year, Jon and I shared a bike again. Haha, this year we crashed (not so seriously though) into a girl's bike while making a turn, causing her to fall over. And then there's the many times when Jon will cycle so fast I'll miss the pedal while riding, not forgetting the times I believe I am so close to my death because my heart's gonna fail me then and there. But of course, I know I can trust my life to Jon. I'm damn sweet! :O

Cycled and played games, Frisbee, Volleyball (failure pls!), Netball and Football! The girls cam-whored too, by making a few guys our photographer (haha), thanks Jiongle, Ziqin, Rich, Jon, and all who did help us take pictures (regardless of the quantity). Cycled for a while more before heading back.

Parkway for dinner, and they went to play in the arcade, where we were all so pissed off with the perverted security guard. Perverted cause he was staring at my bloody chest where the college crest is and is trying to read what school we were from, and why me? Because I was on the phone so I was behind them. Blatantly staring, and I don't even wanna bother explaining how he was trying to read it. So I got so pissed off I stomped out of the shop and apparently after I left some of them got chased out too and he thought we were from NJ. Like, honestly. Cabbage!

Anyway, I was supposed to cab down to Chinatown for Grandma's birthday to wish her, but it was too late. So Jon and I went to buy ice-cream again (yes yes pigging out! 2nd time in a day!) before walking to the bus stop where we met all the fellow shooters there again. Headed back, and went out again about half-an-hour later with Mommy to meet Gerald and his Mom for a ketchuppzz session at the airport. I thought it was pretty nice. I took Gerald's car while Mommy took Aunty Jean's car. I loved the journey on the way back because Gerald opened up his convertible and we were able to enjoy the cool night breeze!

ECP PICTURES

the only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star.

2009-03-19T20:00:00.007+08:00

17th Birthday; Late video.

Does anybody know the way to Atlantis?
Or what the wind says when she cries?
I’m speeding by the place that I met you
For the ninety-seventh time...tonight

Training for the J1s in school from 9-1pm and we did PT in the morning with them at 8am with our PTI, Jon, leading us. Ran around the school because the track was wet and at following his pace, well not exactly. More like following his "jogging" pace (which was already running for the rest of us). After running around the school we did 3 sets of 3 GSTs. Anyways training was pretty okay I guess, except the part where the J2s got carried away talking.

After training Jon and I then headed to Dhoby Ghaut for Ben&Jerry's! Met Emo at Plaza Sing also while she was on her way to meet her friends. Oh, and Jon and I were stopped and interviewed to answer some questions about credit and debit cards, but the whole point of the survey was so obvious, which was to see if teenagers of today were able to keep tab of their spendings.

I can't wait for tomorrow, but at the same time, tomorrow's coming would mark the end of the holidays (excluding the weekends), and I really dread the thought of it. Going back to school this time would mean no more breaks there after. I'm really tired.

I kissed a girl, oh wait, 2 girls.

2009-03-18T22:57:00.007+08:00

This is a post meant for some of the most important people in this point of my life.

Today was yet another busy day. I'm already halfway into the holidays and it doesn't even feel like the holidays. My schedule's packed and really busy. I just found out that I can't go for my IG meeting on Friday because I have shooting outing to go for instead. Sorry Boon Hong! I gave him my word, now I feel bad! ):

Anyways, today was a pretty normal day with PT in the morning and it was retarded because I expected Jon to be late because he reached home sooooooo late yesterday, plus his friend stayed over and he slept late. So I kept calling his phone, and tried his house phone but it was engaged. Luckily it was, because when I reached the Grandstand, I heard his voice. Haha, turns out he was in school waay earlier than I was, and I was even almost late, and he's been there since 7.20am. Haha, it was a comfort. I thought he'd oversleep.

After training, we had to meet the class for History Night rehearsal, and after that, I went with the guys to the usual LAN shop in Kovan to play L4D. Played for 2 hours, went for dinner, and I decided to make my way home early today instead of staying for session 2. But while on the way home, I fell asleep on the bus and overslept so I missed my bus stop. And the most retarded thing is, I woke up after I missed my stop, but went back to sleep again, until I reached Tampines JC.

And what could be worse? This..
Nig: Eh, where are you now?
Me: Okay, this is damn loser, but I overslept on the bus and missed the stop.
Nig: Loserrrr.

(Less than 1 minute later..)
*Dad calls*
Me thinking to myself: Oh damn..
Dad: (booming over the phone) WAKEY WAKEY!
Me: What!
Dad: Heh heh. Nigel called me. Heh heh, you overslept on the bus.

I love my family (:

And I got pranked today! Justin, a very pro RJ shooter (haha! not the one from t04!) called me when I was making my way back after gymming and he told me he was Uncle Leong from Safra and that I forgot to sign my weapon out on the last training and this was my first warning, subsequently, I'll be banned from the range for 3 months! So scary :O But its only a prank. HAHA!

To the people whom I wish to specially address in this post:

Stupid boy! Thank you (: Thanks for always being there for me, for being there when I needed someone there, months back when I was affected by the break-up, for being here for me even till now, when I feel so stressed out because of studies, when I feel pressurized by all the responsibilities I have to bear and feel scared, having to live up to the expectations that is expected of me (from teachers, parents, friends, cca, everything.). Today, once again, you've guided me through many many things, gave me good advices, comforted me and eased my worries and fears. I know you'll never let me fall, just as how I won't fail you either. Sincerely, from the bottom of my heart. Thanks for everything (:

Evelyn (Emo) Chen! It wasn't easy. Not at all. To have to tell you what I did. But, you'll always be a part of us. You'll always be a part of my team, always. I can't describe how much I love you and I really have fun, so much fun with you for every training session and I really thank God for bringing me to you because if you haven't noticed, or realised it, you bring joy to people around you. I love you very very much, Emo! (:

To my other APW girls, (espcially Junyi, Eunice & Joleen), although I may be closer to some of you and not so close to the others, I really really like the team. I love every single one of you for who you are. Thank you for putting in your time and commitment into every training session and for the encouragement you all always give me to keep me going, and move along even with the pressure I'm faced with.

<3 aplenty

Meet my fish,stupid boy! (:

I'ma happy girl (:

2009-03-18T00:15:00.004+08:00

Today's a good day! (: Then again, every other day has been good for me, and really, since when are my days bad when I have people like my classmates and the shooters around me? :D

Sequence of events that happened today:
- Train at Safra in the morning (with APW!)
- Make way down to TPY's BK (with Pok and Rich) for EXCO meeting
- EXCO meeting, planning and discussion
- Watched Coming Soon with SB (:
- Prawning! (0 prawns today, but many bites!)
- Chatting in the playground while gazing at stars, resting and enjoying the cool breeze on the skyrise hammock (spider-web) with SB.
- Very filling dinner
- Bused, more chatting and falling asleep.
- Go home

So anyway today's really good even though I had to attend a meeting on a holiday, and on a day which was the only free day in my entire holidays. And nevertheless, the day was made good with good company and I really enjoyed the company of the shooting people and SB (:

2t04 (:

2009-03-15T18:26:00.008+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SEAN AND CHRISTOPHER!
Both are from CJC Shooting Club. How united. HAHA, Anyways! Happy birthday you 2, and enjoy your day before you both get really busy (Sean with NS and Chris with A's). Love you both very very much! (:
Sean: HAHA HORK (Helicopter-Owning-Rich-Kid), HAPPY 19th! I'll turn 18 soon in a few months, by then you won't be able to stop me from drinking at gatherings! :D
Christopher: I KNOW WHO YOU LOOK UP TO: ISAAC LIM! :D Haha, and its not hard to imagine why, because he really is, so inspiring and enlightening. Anyways! Thanks for all the support you've given and all that you've done for the club! The club won't be what it is without you! (:

Yesterday was Left4Dead again at Paradiz. Reached home at 12.30am plus I think. Anywayzz, here are the pictures of 2T04 on one random PE session where we finally meted out our punishment for the boys because they lost to us for one of the challenged Mr New posed to us, but to be fair, their requirements were really much much harder. So anyway, they had to caterpillar their way across the school field like that to 2T07 and shout "we got owned by 2T04 girls and we LOVE them". Aww guys, we know you love us (:

And then there are pictures from CJC Cross Country 2009 with the class, and I love the pictures so much. They're beautiful, thanks Heidi! :D Credits go to Clas too for the picture of me running, thanks Babe <3 you girls beri beri much! (:

OH, AND I NAMED MY FISH! HAHA, MY FIGHTING FISH IS CALLED STUPID BOY! HAHA!
Lol, Jon! I'll start talking to the fish if you're away from your phone (playing tennis, sleeping, being blur as usual, etc.), or if my phone cranks up again and you don't reply my message cause you never recieved it. HAHA!

<3 2T04 V. V. MUCH! :D

joyous day.

2009-03-14T11:36:00.004+08:00

:D

YAY, I'MA HAPPY GIRL AND I STARTED MY POST HAPPY (:

I feel accomplished :D

Yesterday we didn't have to go to school because we don't take H2 Maths and so our exam's ended on Thursday. So while our dear friendzx are taking their exam papers, Jon, Aloy, Keong, Mark and me were playing badminton! We were supposed to meet at 8am at Hougang's Sports Hall to play, but I only left at about 8am, so I reached there 40 minutes late and I had no idea how to get there (you all know how much my sense of direction sucks), so luckily for me, the bus driver uncle told me which bus stop to alight, and he told me how to walk there. But because its me (yes, me.) I still got lost after I alighted and was practically walking in small circles trying to figure out where, when another uncle came to me and told me how to get there (he alighted from the same bus and I think he heard the uncle telling me how to walk). So that wasn't it. 2 uncles had to give me directions to the sports hall. But when I got there, I got lost within the sports hall too. So I approached this cleaner uncle and then he showed me the way. I think people in Singapore are more helpful these days (or is it just yesterday)? I don't know. And its a controversial issue I don't even wanna try at it.

So I went in and they were already playing badminton. Jon's shirt was already soaked in sweat, so it's prolly been a while. Alot sat out when i reached to let me play (so sweet, Aloy!) so I played with Jon against Mark and Keong (badminton pro!) and then we took turns in between and switched partners. Keong's really good, and I know he's giving in to us, because so many times he could have won easily, he just continued the match with us (:

After badminton, we headed to Hougang Mall to eat breakfast with Justin, and I amused Mark by eating Ice Soursop for brunch. Then Mark and Jon headed back first while Justin and I went to Kovan to borrow his Bourne Ultimatum and get his PE shirt for me, before we went to Elijah's house, and I hitched a ride from Elijah's dad while he sent Eli to school for rugby camp. Met the shooters in school and we had PT (5 rounds around track, 5 GrandStandTortures, 60 inclined pull ups for girls and killer bridges). Jon had something on in the afternoon so he couldn't come. And it was funny because when doing bridges, Jiong Le said "now you'll learn to appreciate your male PTI, Jonathan!". HAHA.

Training and stuff. Then gym-ed in the evening, with SB. And he remembered I forgot my towel so he brought one more for me (thanks SB! so sweet now! (:). Sat in the badminton court after gyming for a while and watched people play badminton and do gymnastics and play table-tennis, while we chatted. And he said he'll give me a surprise after we gym because I said I needed motivation to work out (I was only reffering to deciding on a place for dinner), and I thought he was lying but in the end he really did have a surprise for me - Kinder Joy! So we ate and fixed our toys, haha! I got some green thingy, while he got a snail which he fixed wrongly. HAHA. So anyway, after we rested for a while we headed to J8 to see his shoes, and draw money (for me).

Then we left for Serangoon to buy our fishes! We bought fighting fishes! 1 each though, but we're gonna try breeding it later, not so early though! Haha, that means we gotta head back and buy the female ones another time. Both our fighting fishes are red though, I think he got the more aggressive one. Haha!

Anyways, we headed to Garden's Astons for dinner after that which was at like 10pm. But it was so good so having to go hungry for hours was worth it. Then I had to use his phone to call my dad, and we went to Macs to wait for Dad while he came to fetch me home. Dad came at almost 11pm.

Yesterday = Good and accomplished day! (:

I was a dreamer before you went and let me down.

2009-03-13T00:37:00.003+08:00

Familiar eh, Chris? (:

Haha, anyway today was left4dead with the class boyzz again! I screwed up all my papers but I don't wanna think about it for today and tomorrow at least, then I'll start panicking after this, I will.

Lunched at Far East today with the class, then headed to Kovan for LAN with the boyzz, (Jon, Wee, Eli, Just, Mark, Aloy, Keong!), played for 3 hours, ate at Botak Jones.
Came home. Ran for 1/2 an hour.
Badminton tomorrow! :D :D :D :D :D :D

EGGCITED (:

STEP UP 2

2009-03-12T04:02:00.002+08:00

Watch closely at 3:50! I love that part!

Sorry stupid boy, I know I promised to not come online till tomorrow when CT ends and you'll be disappointed knowing I'm blogging now but its my break from Econs and the heart thing is really stuck in my head! :O Haha!

I promise I'll study harder.. (after screwing up this CTs)

HI SWEETEST, HI CUTEST, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY!

2009-03-10T21:01:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY! :D
Love you very very much, Michael Hector!
I think my dad's still young, he's 47 if I'm not wrong. Young right! (:

I am a happy girl because I have good friends who make me laugh.

Jon and I are on the phone..

Me: Kai asked me why I'm so hardworking, stay up in the airport to study till so late but I ended up sleeping half the time.
Jon: Yah, you were sleeping on a sofa right? "sofa".
Me: HAHA, yup very comfortable know! The sofa very comfortable.
Jon: Yup, of course. The sofa got go to gym one.

Jon: Eh, I know which is my best paragraph for History!
Me: Which?
Jon: Singapore's paternalistic democracy, the exception.
Me: Really?
Jon: Yah, cause can use singlish.

And he's so nonsensical. He just said this.
Jon: Why you talking about dying now, got cancer is it?
Me: No got tumor, brain tumor.
Jon: What brain tumor? No brain how to have brain tumor?

Jon: If I need a vacuum cleaner I'll call you!
Me: Why?
Jon: Cause your brain's a vacuum.

STUPID BOY!
And he messaged Mommy and Daddy today with my phone! Hahah. He sent "Hi Mom. I miss you." to my Mom and one more to my Dad. HAHA. My parents asked me why am I so sweet all of a sudden.

That's why my life's an interesting one (:

And I ran into Glenn, Daniel Lau and their friend (I just got to know today), Mark at City Hall while walking to Suntec. So we hung out for a while before Mommy and Daddy gave Glenn and Daniel to Parkway. Haha, and Happy Birthday Mark (FEDERAL FAN!)! Haha! (:

CTs tomorrow and I'm still not even 5% prepared.

2009-03-08T20:13:00.003+08:00

Saturday - 2 days before Common Test starts.

I'm freaking out but I feel so lethargic, so worn out and burnt out, when the exams have yet to even start and I've yet to start serious mugging. But anyway, yesterday Christopher and Tracy came over to have Nasi Lemak, home-cooked style by Grandma! :D Had good chats and laughs, as always whenever they come over.

Anyway then Daddy fetched me to Thompson to meet Jo for Mass with her family at Holy Spirit Church. Her gramps are so sweet together, and they're awfully cute. Her Mom and Dad are (as always), welcoming and sweet people! (: Her dad then very kindly sent us to Macritchie and we jogged from 7.20pm to about 7.50pm? A half an hour jog and the sky was awfully dark by the time we started out because the sun was already setting. But we ran along the walkway alongside the waters and the sight was an incredibly beautiful one. It resembled so much of the creek in The Notebook. I love the scenery, it was dazzling, and stunning. By the time we turned back halfway because it got too dark at about 7.35pm, it was so dark we had to watch our every step and run largely on instinct and keep good balance to prevent us from falling off the walkway into the reservoir and halfway back it got so dark we couldnt see, we had to use our iPods to lead us back.

So after that Jo and I headed back to her church to study there and it was quite horrible because they were having some youth fasting seminar for 30 hours and we were drinking Ribena, and eating peanuts in front of them. Haha, but they opened up the room for us to study which I thought was sweet.

Daddy fetched me home at 11+pm, and Jon told me he was going to the airport to study (I was already going but he was still undecided). But the stupid boy missed his last bus to the airport and he saw it pass right in front of his eyes. Haha! Sorry stupid boy, dont mean to laugh at you. Anyways he took the bus to Tampines before taking the taxi to the airport. Jo didn't come because she needed rest, but we'll go another time okay, woman! (:

So we met at T3 at about 1am and we decided to sit and study. Halfway, we had to switch to the sofa seats in Kopitiam because they had to clean up the area we were studying at. I ended up falling asleep half the time we were there, and its all because stupid boy made it so convenient and comfortable for me to sleep! But I should credit him on this too, he brought his jacket for me in case I felt cold (aww, stupid boy (: ), and he'd tuck me in when I fall asleep. Sweet la, stupid boy! Thanks! (:

So today instead of leaving at the usual 6 or 7am, we left a little later today at 9+am, after having breakfast at Ya Kun! :D Took the bus from T3 and Jon's friend, Leon hopped on at T2 (right, his friends were studying at T2), and we headed back.

Today's been totally unproductive because the studying stuff are still in my bag I brought to the airport. I went out for dimsum with my family and brought Nig to Queensway to shop for his haversack. Reached home at 4pm and slept till now.

I am so dead for CTs, you know?

But I got bored while waiting for Nigel to get ready.

Hideous eye bags! ): I think I'm gonna get wrinkles soon! :O

U.r.g.e.n.c.y.

2009-03-07T01:40:00.002+08:00

As of yesterday's afternoon, Chinese = history, Chinese = bunk. To be more precise, since the time I took my A levels paper months back last year.

I got my results back and it sucked big time. I don't regret, and I don't wish that I had studied harder. I just wished I (by some miracle) am able to obtain the B I'd expected, without having to do anything. But nevertheless, I'll accept the C I've got. And I admit, I went all moody and emo for 2 hours or so after I received the results, because I'd expected more. Just more.

Common Test on Monday and I'm not prepared. Latest Maths CA on Normal and Binomial Distribution - 3/30.

Damn.

Memories of a different life.

2009-03-06T00:42:00.006+08:00

The time of my life.

The people who've seen me through the good and the bad times and have been there for me without fail.

"It was like being in an elevator cut loose at the top. Falling, falling, and not knowing when you will hit.

A glimpse, a pale shimmer on the air; a glow, aurora, dance of electrons, then a face again, faces. But they fade, though I stretch out my arms towards them, the slip away from me, ghosts at daybreak. Back to wherever they are. Stay with me, I want to say. But they won't."

The past few months have been like a surreal dream.. I wouldn't call it a nightmare but it hasn't been a good one either. I'd just call it a dream. I've fallen and got hurt, I've gotten up and lived on, I've persevered on but fallen harder, and through it all, I just emerge stronger and tougher. I get what -- meant when -- said up till a certain point, where you feel like you can't take the pain anymore, you'll just stop it all. Because I've experienced it, and even when I try searching for something in the past, or I try looking back, everything, everything is a blur. Its a mess of everything, I can't even see clearly anything. I can't picture --'s face in my mind, I can't feel the feelings I've felt towards -- anymore. But I feel new. Brand new. I feel different towards the people around me, towards eveyone. My feelings towards them changes, I guess its a natural phenomenon, after going through what --'s put me through. I won't complain.

Last few days have been rather eventful. In fact, in my opinion, too eventful for the week before Common Tests where we're supposed to be mugging and studying our damn asses off (or whatever's left of our originally big ass, esp after promos last year). Anyway, we've had Cross Country at Macritchie Reservoir on Wednesday and we had to run 3.8km for the girls and 4.2km for the boys. The distance was fine, but the slopes were the ones the kill. The slopes were bad, but when a hundred or two hundred odd girls from CJ are running up the slope, which is as narrow as your normal pathway, of a forest trail, thats seriously bad. But its worse when you're blocked and you can't run. But thats okay, I learnt my lesson and till today I maintain my stand that I shouldn't have walked no matter what. Nevermind! Let it go already! (:

Anyways, Wednesday was really good because 2T04 displayed good sportsmanship and class spirit. We managed to get to Macritchie despite having to fight for a space on the bus with the whole school. We switched buses actually, smart aye? (: So yes, we all had fun and in my opinion, everyone did well. Fel came in 17th, Jo came in 21st, and Jon completed 4.2km in 20 minutes (: (: (: Congrats, stupid boy. You did really well, and I'm sure you can do even better than that! (: We then walked back from Macritchie to school after that, so what, that was another 4.2km huh? Haha, I have no idea. But we went for dinner after that at Toa Payoh before splitting up I really love the class! (: And its not just THE class, it is MY class. :D

Pictures I've just taken like, minutes ago, and you can see my really heavy eyebags! ): ):
Overdue picture of Dearest Red (:

Today, I finally passed up my Lit Continual Assessment Essay I have owed Ms Rajan from Monday and I feel a greaaat sense of achievement! (abit late, but better late than never!) Haha, oh yah, Jon and I rushed to complete our Lit essays during Lit lect. Heh. And I can confidently say, that I will fail and get another zero in my Normal and Standard Binomial test today. Oh damn. And CTs are just next week.

I'm amused and impressed at every Lit lesson I get with Mr Pang because its so interesting, and I get an insight on things I never will if I tried figuring out on my own. Oh and he brought up the point of Love and Hate, that they're the opposing of one another. Hazel then managed to come up with another theory that the opposite of Love is actually Indifference. And you know what? I am enlightened (or in Sab's words, enlightened is me. yes yes, this is for you, Ratatta!)!! In MY opinion, and MY point of view. The opposite of Love is actually either Indifference OR Hate. It can be either/or! Seriously! I am so impressed! And I've been thinking about it pretty much after Hazel said it, and its so true! (:

I feel more and more enlightened each day. And Leon has been messaging me when he's bored to test me on History dates! HAHA. I'm like "entertainment TV" for him or something. Anyways, Vietnam gained independence in 1976, Suharto rose to power in 1965, his regime fell in 1997 (or is it 1998? cause Leon says so but I insist its '97), and Philippines gained independence on 4th July 1946, Burma in 1950 and Indonesia, 1949. Okay fine, I cheated and checked for some of the dates. OH AND I KNOW THE TYDINGS MCDUFFIE ACT IS SINGED IN 1934! :D And and! I know now that shuttle diplomacy and the tunnel hiding and attacking thing is NOT Quegmire war. I have to know, after the embarrassing session with Mr Kong and Gabriella and the T05 people, and Jo, because I've been thoroughly embarrassed. HAHA.

And now, I need to log off the computer and go bathe because I've yet to do so and its 1.19am.

BYE! (:

because they've always been here, and you haven't.

2009-03-02T23:44:00.006+08:00

I chanced upon this old picture and I missed the good ol' times.

Aloy, Jon and me in Batam, on the bus back from farming! (:

Hiiiii everybody! I promised myself not to blog on weekdays and only on weekends, but I'm breaking my promise just for today because its a good and happy day! I feel highly accomplished and I feel like the light of enlightenment has finally dawned and shined upon me. (:

Mr Pang's explanation of the Lit poem which we had for homework was absurdly enlightening and what made me even happier was that, I did my work and could answer his questions whenever he asked and I felt participative in class! That made me feel happy and accomplished for the whole of today, but on top of that I finally ran my 4 rounds I owe Jon! Haha, yes Physical Training Instructor! Jon had to be there when I ran to make sure that I completed it (shooting club's PT), and he ran 3 rounds with me (: Aww so sweet now, stupid boy! Then we gymed together and I did the bicycle thingy and cycled 10 km! Achievement! (: Oh and on top of all that, while on our way to Safra with Emo and Junyi, we saw a rainbow! (:

And here are pictures of 2 of my favourite girls (along with many others!), the girls who make training so enjoyable and worthwhile! (:

left4dead and friends make a good combination for a late-night out (:

2009-02-28T01:29:00.005+08:00

Hello World! :D

Today's been an eventful day, which turned out pretty good and enjoyable in the end! But I'm still feeling bitter and sore for not running the 12 rounds practice for cross country. I really wanted to run today, but (like I said to the class), the washing machine in my stomach's increased and upgraded itself and by the 5th round, the machine was churning with a turbo-jet engine, tumbling the contents of my stomach at the speed of 3.142 x 10^6. I'm upset I didn't complete the run. But I'll try again one of this days soon before MacRitchie!

Rockafella was held today, but we decided to ditch it for Left4Dead. After Jon and Jo left the school first, I stayed on in school to chat with Xiuuu :D and Ken came over to meet me after he bathed. We did some work in the canteen while waiting for Justin (who was in detention! HAHA), and we left the school at 7+pm with Elijah and Keong. So Ken, Elijah, Keong and me made our way to Kovan/Serangoon area. Had dinner somewhere near the LAN shop, while waiting for the others to come. Oh, and we called Gabriel last minute! And he didn't believe Justin when Elijah and Just told him I was there. Weighing the possibilities, he says. Wee came over shortly after, and Jon a while later too, Gab met us at the LAN shop itself which was only a few shops down the road.

So then we went to play Left4Dead. And I swear, it was so morbid it scared me initially cause there were like zombies blasted in the screens. So for the first 5 minutes of playing the game in my entire life I was just screaming my head off, flabbergasting, and waving my hands frantically all over the place. I swear its because I kept getting attacked by the other team, like they'd say, I was their easy target afterall. So the first time I got tongued by smoker, I threw my hands over my eyes and screamed.

Anyway, I was in Jon, Keong and Ken's team, against Justin, Elijah, Gabriel and Wee. And we got owned quite badly. 36 - 1000+ Haha! Sorry guys! But it was so fun! And Ken kept saying he'll kill me on the pretext of testing the gun, so I freaked out when he said he would team with me because I was so convinced he'd shoot me the minute the game starts. But turned out to be the opposite actually because he saved me a few times when I'm down, but most of the times Jon had to. HAHA, cause I was sitting next to him so I'd scream when I'm down and he'll know before the others. Thanks Stupid boy! :D

We finished at 10 plus, and Ken, Keong and Wee left first. So Elijah, Gabriel, Justin, Jon and me rested at the eating house for a while. Oh, they wanted to go eat durians! :O But they settled for just drinks instead. Jon and me then left after a while to embark on our "trust" walk to Serangoon Gardens which was about 5 bus stops away. HAHA. I called it trust walk cause half of the times he covered my eyes, so I had to just listen to him for directive words, and mostly they were REALLY helpful, mostly they were just "walk. walk. walk.". But I wasnt any better actually. Because when it was my turn to cover his eyes and lead him to walk, I kept silent, and sometimes silence is even worse than noise. HAHA. And half the time I was supposed to be leading him, I was asking him for directions.

Dad reached Gardens slightly earlier than we did. I bet its because of all the directing me to walk into the lamp poles along the way! Haha, but its ok, I enjoyed the walk (:

Met Dad at about 11.50pm and reached home at about 12.15am (:

WHAT HURTS THE MOST?

2009-02-25T13:37:00.002+08:00

I'm supposed to be in school now, probably mulling over some maths question Mr Lim's giving us to do, or chattering away, or explaining to Jo why the sigma should be square-rooted, but I'm at home.

Left the school at about 11am, because my stomach was killing me. Its almost comparable to the time I had stomach ulcer and flu. Dad brought me home and took me to the doctor, and dang, I've got food poisoning ):

I hate medicine!

NTUIS tomorrow, and its Ash Wednesday today. Gotta go to church later too. I'm logging off the computer because I promised people I'd rest. So I'll go do my History SBQ now. Heh! I DONT WANNA STAY UP TILL 4 AGAIN! :O

xoxo, to my friends (:

2009-02-24T00:26:00.002+08:00

Many things happened of late, and honestly, the only thing I'm really happy is that it just proves to show how strong our friendship is, and I'm really glad we survived this, because honestly, you know I need you around. This year, last year, and for all the years to come. I'll never want to not be able to rant, laugh at you and with you, go out with you freely, swim, study, talk, eat, play, laugh, or even waking up to your mess of hair. You know I can't do without you too (:

Anyways, Heidi's so sweet! (HEIDI I KNOW YOU'LL SEE THIS.. SOME TIME!)
My Personal Message on MSN is: Whether or not the permanent members' veto powers were an obstacle to Security Council taking actions is a contentious issue.
And just before she logged off she said this.

[00:24:53]
heidi - - QT(3.14159) says: your hypo
[00:24:54]
heidi - - QT(3.14159) says: needs to add the CW timeframe

And she's always been so strong in her History, and me, the other way around. Its nice to know you've got great classmates helping you along the way and trying to help you to improve and do better each time.
LOVE YOU, BABE! FROM SRJC TO CJC (:

A past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

2009-02-21T01:45:00.009+08:00

I'll just pretend I'm not crying.

HAHA I REMEMBER SOMEONE SAYING JIONG LE'S HANDS ARE SO LONG HE CAN GO AROUND EVERYONE!

SHOOTING CLUB 08/09
SHOOTING CLUB J1S'09! (:
Jiong Le! Super tall guy. And this is our actual height. He's not tip toeing and I'm not bending down :O
No Jon, the pic's not here because you're in it, but because my hair looks so long in here! :D

And this, is what I go to school for (:

Shooting Orientation with the J1s was eggciting and fun! (: I was smashed in the face with flour (BY JONATHAN YAP LAH!), had flour all over my hair (thanks to Jiong Le and Chun Yong!), and I was all in all disgusting, but I had fun! (: I'll post the pictures up when I get them! ME THINKS SHOOTING CLUB IS MANY MANY HEARTS AND LOVE (:

Literature Night was a interesting. Haha! Our entire class dressed up, and I honestly thought it was cool. Fel cleverly borrowed the dresses for the main characters from her previous drama club. Honestly smart. And the guys mostly wore their prom stuff, or borrowed blazers and all (dad's, friends', etc.). And yes, the theme for the night was: VICTORIAN GOTHIC.

So the girls were slapped with tons of make up especially Sab, to create the dead-inside look of Miss Havisham. I was one of the few happy characters yesterday (so I didnt have to look all gothic! :D), dressing as the young Miss Havisham, and I'm supposed to be in love, and happy and in my prime of life. Haha, its quite funny actually. Ironical and juxtapositioned.

We watched Gormenghast instead of Nosferatu mainly because of Jonathan Rhys Meyers. Haha! But it turned out to be a very very boring film which we all couldn't entirely appreciate it. So hald of us were talking, some were falling asleep, and Sab and me left for the washroom for a while to take some pictures.

But the company was great and I'm glad I turned up :D Everyone was decked out in pretty costumes and goth looks, Tara looked good as the sexy vampire! Heh! (: Thanks to Fel for the dress, and Heidi for the hairstyling, and Hazel for making me up (We had loads of fun experimenting :x) :D

Mark, Jon and I only got on the bus at 11pm to go to Serangoon Gardens for dinner/supper at R.K House! (: Oh, we met Tianyu who boarded the bus halfway! HAHA. Mark left earlier while Jonathan (very kindly) waited till my dad came, and showed me his ridiculous formulas (which were as stupid as that stupid boy! HAHA! KIDDING, JON!) on how mathematicians can profess their love to one another. And I've gotta admit that it amused me on how he actually came up with it. Its quite funny.

Dad then came to fetch me home after the food and I reached home at 1am after turning over to buy Punggol Nasi Lemak on the way back :D :D :D

Oh, and I was just clearing stuff on my com, when I found this.
[21:46:25] afraid. (Online)
i never told you this, but you've always been and still is my archille's heel.
[21:50:28] DAN (Online)
i'm sorry
[21:50:38] afraid. (Online)
its okay.
[21:50:44] DAN (Online)
i guess you'll have to live with me being like this
[21:50:51] DAN (Online)
so long as you live
[21:50:57] afraid. (Online)
i know
[21:51:03] DAN (Online)
i'll always be your weak spot
[21:51:26] DAN (Online)
aren't you worried you might one day fall badly?
[21:51:40] afraid. (Online)
it wont be the first anyway

Its pretty funny now that I look and read back on it. Its like.. foreshadowing. This time though, I'm not falling. I'm just staying afloat, I'm still in love, but with my friends. I've fallen bad enough and enough, I'm not falling again. My friends won't let me fall.

I wore my heart on my sleeves for daws to peck at, but not anymore.
(:

i shoot my pb when everyone else will prolly think i'm weeping.

2009-02-19T23:17:00.002+08:00

OOHLALA!~

I SHOT MY PERSONAL BEST TODAY; 367! :D

Okay I know its lame to be this happy when its just 3 points improvement from my previous personal best of 364. BUT, THEN AGAIN. I WILL REJOICE OVER EVERY POINT I IMPROVE BECAUSE I AM IMPROVING :D

Its funny how I used to be all tangled and screwed up when something like that happens.

AND TMR'S GONNA BE A REALLY FUN DAY! SO, BYE FRIENDS! I'm gonna go do some preps stuff!

I GOT SCREAMED AT IN LECTURE TODAY FOR LAUGHING AT A JOKE I THOUGHT OF.

2009-02-19T00:29:00.004+08:00

I remember when, I'd be with my friends
You checked on me and made time to call
But how things have changed, now I don't hear from you at all.

Sometimes I feel like there's no getting through to you
Like you don't appreciate all that I do.

If anything good came out of this week is that I finally know the truth. Boy, it feels good (:

YES JON, YOU'LL BE MY (IMPROMPTU) SOFT AND FLUFFY PILLOW WHENEVER I NEED ONE! You'll regret saying that! HAHA! I'll create more oil-spills on you, and leave more of my mark (eg. saliva) HAHA, and last but not least, I WILL TACKLE YOU DOWN. I MUST TRY.

Mr Lim says, TRY.

Heh. Anyway, we've decided on the JC1s to be recruited this year. I'll accept 10 bucks from those who wants early release of information. HAHA KIDDING, the list will be up tomorrow anyway :D I DONT ACCEPT BRIBERY OF ANY KINDS!

Literature with Alfred Pang tomorrow, and I'm already dead (yes I know my fate early), because I've not submitted my Lit essay which is due 2 days ago. And as far as I know, only Jon and me are left. So screwed.

HAHA IF YOU EVER SEE THIS, WOMAN. I LOVE YOU VERY VERY MUCH EVEN THOUGH YOU SUCK AT DIVERTING TOPICS OKAY, YOU STILL MAKE ME LAUGH :D

Oh, and today the saddest but most comical thing at the same time happened to me in my life in CJ;
Aloy, Jo, Jon and me (yah ok, usual peeps again lah) were late for History lecture. To be more precise, Ms Teo's hist lec. Ok, so history students would know how loud she'd scream. And today she wasn't in the best of moods, or at least not during lecture. So she made us sit on the steps. Then she screamed at Osman. And a while later.. I chuckled to myself because I thought of Junyi's joke which she told us on Monday-

Brief version: Once there was a lion who ruled the forest, he wanted to eat up all the animals, but the animals protested and wanted him to have a fair competition for their lives. So the lion agreed and told them to tell a joke. If everyone in the audience laughed, they're lives would be spared. So the first up was the donkey, and everyone laughed at his joke, except the tortoise. Second one was a goat, and again, everyone laughed except the tortoise. So up till now the donkey and the goat have been eaten up. Now came the monkey. He told a joke, but it was only mediocre. But nevertheless everyone laughed to try save his life, and this time too, the tortoise laughed. So the lion was puzzled and he asked the tortoise why was he laughing. The tortoise replied, "OH, BECAUSE THE DONKEY'S (first animal eaten up) JOKE VERY FUNNY!"

Get it get it? Anyway, yah. I chuckled to myself while sitting on the steps and Jon just looked up, so I shook my head and smiled. And then..

MS TEO (screaming): CHRISTINE! YOU'RE ALREADY LATE AND YOU CAN STILL CHATTER AWAY WITH JONATHAN! MOVE 2 STEPS UP!

:O i know right! But then again, I was distracted, so she had every right to scold me. Damn, I should never let myself get distracted even when I'm copying the headings! >.<

Okok.

Gonna chaoooo to do my lit!

.

I just wanna be alone tonight
I just wanna take a little breather
Cause lately all we do is fight
And every time it cuts me deeper

Cause something's changed
You've been acting so strange
And its taking its toll on me
Its safe to say that I'm ready to let you leave

Without you, I live it up a little more everyday
Without you, I'm seein myself so differently
I didn't wanna believe it then
But it all worked out in the end
When I watched you walk away
Well I never thought I'd say
I'm fine
Without you

Valentine's can't be that bad when..

2009-02-14T20:27:00.008+08:00

The best things that happened this week:

1. Uncle's friend passed Mommy the Coach bags we ordered! And ooh-la-la, they're new designs cause his trips dragged. (sadly he didn't get to buy all the bags we wanted because of info-discrepancies, and the shoes because they didn't have the size ): ): ): )
2. Shooting trials bonded the shooting club further, and I really really love them! (:

3. I had the first encounter with water babies for my entire life. (ah, yes, the simple pleasures of life.)
4. I WENT TO CHECK OUT THE CAR THAT I WANT! :D WENT TO THE MITSUBITSHI SHOWROOM ALREADY! :D

5. Having friends I really love and knowing they love you back.

Its actually 3.47am now, the above was typed earlier. And Jon and Jo came over instead because our plans for night cycling was cancelled since some of our classmates couldn't make it. Movie marathon instead, but apparently marathon isn't exactly marathon because Phantom Of The Opera have knocked the two out. And I'm blogging with Jo sleeping on my right and Jon sleeping on my left.

Anyway, Jon decided to be really sweet today (for once! HAHA), and he got both Jo and me flowers for Valentine's Day. Aww, thanks Jon, you'll always be my favourite and only (you're the only one who can qualify as stupid already.) stupid boy (:

HAHA, he'll prolly 'whaaat' me when he reads this.. when, that is.

Jon just moved in his sleep and knocked onto something, I couldn't help but giggle to myself and he looked up, pretty embarrassed. So poor thing now Jon! (He hates it when I do this to him, haha, then again, all 3 of us do.)

Honestly, I love these 2 very very much, they're my confidants, my listening ear, my crying shoulder, my friends, my brother/sister, my pals, my pillars of support.
(:

I have a crazy urge to go complete all my homework now and put the 2 to shame, but I figured I won't do that. Not today.. No, not today. Instead, I'll drift off to my utopia, or dystopia. Depending on whichever one is lined up for me today. But whichever, it doesn't matter. I've got the 2, and I really am contented. I'll let myself immerse myself in their presence, and enjoy being around them for now (:

I think.

2009-02-14T01:28:00.004+08:00

I dont really have much to say about today, but I can complain about the day.

Had to prize present today, and apparently, I was too soft, and too fast. Point to take note for the next few presentations for anyone: Take down the mike and speak into it.

PE was sick and tiring! Mr New's Physical Conditioning session was so tiring! He made us to intervals, 7 rounds. And all the stopping just tire us more.

Then school bored us all the way through with GP after PE. I swear I'm not learning anything from GP lessons. I might as well not go.

After school was more exciting though. Went to the range with the shooooooooooters, and we had our third trials for the selection shoot, it was insanely crowded again. Went to watch them do PT, when Mel, Keryu and Kai came back to visit (: I miss the J3s now.

It was good to see people having to do PT and not doing it ourselves >.< I liked that. But poor PTIs had to run 3 rounds with them. And Jon! Who ran during PE and during the trials. Furthermore he ran 3 extra rounds after PE, so he ran 13 rounds in total.

We had about 60 people who turned up at the second trials I think. And about 60 on the first day as well, now we'll be busy until the J1s actually come in for real.

Over the course of last few days, I've grown to be attached and close to the club. I feel like we ARE a club this time. And I like it. I like this new-found sense of belonging all over again (:

Some of the shooters then went along with the bus to transport the weapons to Safra, but I didn't go in the end cause I went out with the class guys instead. Thanks Hutt and Jiong Le especially for everything! They really did a good job, and they handled the matter well, even when the uncle flared up for having to wait.

Jon, Junyi, Evelyn and myself (APW FTW! :D) then headed to AMK, then we split up from there. Emo and Junyi went to AMK Hub, and Jon and I met Justin and Aloy. Ate dinner while waiting for Patsy, Marcus (from our GP class!) and Wee to join us. Yes, 04 friends, you'd have guessed it for now. I joined them for their weekly event; Left4Dead (:

Anyway, I won't elaborate in details, except that we didn't want to wait so we went over to Raiders and in the end the comps there sucked. Next week they're going back to their usual place to play I think :D

Reached home at 11+pm again, I think. And its not the only thing I think now. I think I pulled my left thigh muscle, because it hurts like !@#$%^&*(), and I think many many other things.

Thanks friends! For the notes and chocolates! Love you all very very much too! (with or without the chocs and notes) :D

2009-02-12T19:54:00.007+08:00

Falling in love, I said.
Falling into it, we all did then, one way or another. How could he have made such light of it? Sneered even. As if it was trivial for us, a frill, a whim. It was, on the contrary, heavy going. It was the central thing; it was the way you understood yourself; if it never happened to you, not ever, you would be like a mutant, a creature from outer space. Everyone knew that.
Falling in love, we said; I fell for him.
We were falling women. We believed in it, this downward motion: so lovely, like flying, and yet at the same time so dire, so extreme, so unlikely.. The more difficult it was to love the particular man beside us, the more we believed in Love, abstract and total. We were waiting, always, for the incarnation.

Spot me!

The past 3 days have been so very busy, and I've been thoroughly stressed out through and through, I can already almost feel frown lines on my face. I swear they're just one level under my skin, they're so close to surfacing and they can't wait to come out and see the world ):

I'll start with PE. Last PE was disgustingly horrible. Mr Lim made us do the drain trail. We had to climb through the circular drain under the CJC sign just next to our gate, and it was low and small but wide. And to make things worse, it was completely black, we basically crawled under the school from the front to the back. I felt like a bat.

Anyway, my thighs and back ached like shit because I walked with my legs wide so that I avoided the middle of the drain where it'd be much easier to walk, so that my shoes wouldn't get dirty. It was something the people at the back all did. And I emerged as the cleanest, without much dried leafs or cob webs on my hair because I bent down 90 degrees through the whole journey. I don't wanna do that again. Ever.

And I heard from Elijah that it'll be the forest trail after the drain walk, that means tomorrow :/

Wednesday wasn't any better, since we had our Shooting Selection Trials. All I'll say is, it was tiring. Very tiring. But many potential shooters, and enthusiasts, I'm pretty impressed and happy with what I see, in fact.

Chris.L skipped lecture to settle some stuff,
and I neglected my Maths test completely for some planning stuff; score for Maths FA = 0/17.
:(

Selection trials again tomorrow. And I gotta be in school by 7.20am to prepare the shooters for prize presentation, and I'm gonna prize presentate! :O
OMG SCARRREEEEDDD!

Thanks all of you! CJC Shooting Club FTW! (:

ANYWAY! Meet my friend, Sabby! (YES SAB, EGGGGCITINGG! :D <<< >anti-climax to the maximum govt
[20:41:10]
CHRISTINE; Falling in love, we said; I fell for him. We were falling women. says: hahah i dont think so...
[20:41:11]
CHRISTINE; Falling in love, we said; I fell for him. We were falling women. says:
[20:41:12]
sabrina says: HAHAHAH
[20:41:13]
CHRISTINE; Falling in love, we said; I fell for him. We were falling women. says: hahaahahahhahaha

HAHA, its a History-student insider's joke, so if you dont understand its ok. I can't help it I'm so amused by her nonsense :D

I dreamt of a crocodile and now I'm scared.

2009-02-10T04:37:00.003+08:00

Now I'm a fat house cat
Nursing my sore blunt tongue
Watching the warm poison rats curl through the wide fence cracks
Pissing on magazine photos
Those fishing lures thrown in the cold
And clean blood of Christ mountain stream

Have I found you
Flightless bird, grounded, bleeding or lost you, american mouth
Big pill stuck going down

GP ESSAY, MATHS, HISTORY TUTORIAL OUTLINE, ECONS TUTORIAL.

2009-02-08T19:16:00.003+08:00

The pressure's on, from day 1. And I'm already feeling it. I want to cower down, and succumb to the pressure and stress from all the heavy workload, Econs, Maths, GP, Lit, and (especially) History. I'd throw in the towel, I can go take up Law, or go crazy and do Science in some polytechnic, instead of having to go through this. I thought O levels was bad, but this is worse. A gazillion times worse. There isn't a single word I can use to even describe this.

But so many things are holding me back as well. I don't want to give up. I've ran away from all my problems the whole of my life. If there's anything I can do now, its to face and overcome whatever challenge I'm presented with.. but then again, easier said than done. I'm not quitting. I've got my friends whom I'd never want to leave too.

I need support, which I'm not getting at some times. I need alot of support, especially from you, you, you and you.

Yes indeed, its so much easier to just say 'you'.

2009-02-08T17:29:00.003+08:00

I FOUND THIS SOME TIME LAST YEAR BUT I KEPT FORGETTING ABOUT IT!

I was searching Youtube for CJ's Mass Dance if anyone actually uploaded the JC1s Mass Dance this year, but instead I came upon this clip I've watched over at least 5 times, of last year's (my batch) Mass Dance instead for Orientation 2. Its not full though, the other half of the mass dance is alot more fun and all, but that'll do for now.

AND THE THING IS I THINK ALOY IS INSIDE! :O :D
Look carefully at around 00:40, please confirm with me if that's really Aloy!! HAHA!

Of one that loved not wisely but too well.

2009-02-07T23:13:00.003+08:00

Its always a bad day, you have to choose.

I feel..
Stressed. Pressurized. Numbed. Stupid. Frustrated. Unfathomable. Destructive. Dismayed. Depressed. Sad. Upset. Dead. Brimmed. Dislodged. Overturned. Empty. Bare. Desolate. Deserted. Abandoned. Futile. Purposeless. Senseless. Hollow. Barren. Inconsequential.. Trivial. Cheesed. Ketchuped. Chillied. Curried. Spiced. Burgered. Pan-caked. Coked. Tea-d.

I don't know.

I must seem really incomprehensible and incoherent to everyone else now.

Iranian Revolution has led to the Iran-Iraq conflict which has endangered national security, eventually compromising regional security as well.

2009-02-05T22:01:00.005+08:00

Demand me nothing. What you know, you know.
From this time fourth I never will speak word.

So it was possible afterall, I did take a nap, take what was supposed to be a short break but turned long break, and sleep through till 6am this morning.

It felt so good, like heaven, like paradise.

I don't know why but my pounding and throbbing head ache still remains and it gets so annoying every now and then.

RF test tomorrow, and I'm not able to absorb anything, yet. No luck so far ):

I really really enjoyed the time spent with Sab after our Maths Remedial (which I found out only after I was celebrating the end of school), when we got the whole white board to ourselves. What with us obliterating ourselves from the face of the whiteboard, drawing tombstones on the new sitting arrangement on the board for everyone in class, and turning the door into Berlin Blockade and Salvation zone outside with the religious leaders as saviour (as they are seen to be), and turning our class into a class with single sexuality; Female, and making the guys Footmaid's Tail (haha our lit text's Handmaid's Tale, get it?), and signing off with Maths equations: Sab's y=mx+c and mine's b(squared)-4ac=0.
T04's in for a surprise tomorrow (: Good surprise.

But all in all today's pretty interesting. Watching Aloy writhe in pain while watching the abortion clip, dragging our feet around school for classes and brightening up whenever we get to see Xiuuu. The only bad thing was my mood, but I guess its a small part of everything. I should be contented (:

Repetitive. Tired. Sickly.

2009-02-04T21:30:00.004+08:00

I pray you in your letters,
When you shall these unlucky deeds relate,
Speak of me as I am; nothing extenuate,
Nor set down aught in malice. Then must you speak
Of one that loved not wisely, but too well;
Of one, not easily jealous, but being wrought
Perplexed in the extreme; of one whose hand,
Like the base Indian, threw a pearl away
Richer than all his tribe; of one whose subdued eyes,
Albeit unused to the melting mood,
Drop tears as fast as the Arabian trees
Their medicinable gum.

Othello

"Hi, are you interested to join CJC Shooting Club?"
"Would you like to try out pistol or rifle?"
"Stand facing me, legs apart, your shoulder width, alight the sights, aim at beneath the black and pull the trigger."

Repetitions. I've repeated myself over and over again today. I feel almost mechanic now. I'm tired and I feel unwell. My head's not helping either, throbbing and hurting, its like I can feel my head swimming now.

I wanna go sleep, I wanna lie on my bed and rest, but there's still so much to do, its impossible to take a break ):

People who came for the trials to shoot: 128
:O

To have and to hold, till death do us part.

2009-02-01T19:33:00.005+08:00

But something had shifted, some balance. I felt shrunken, so that when he put his arms around me, gathering me up, I was small as a doll. I felt love going forward without me.

He doesn't mind this, I thought. He doesn't mind at all. Maybe he even likes it. We are not each other's, any more. Instead, I am his.

Unworthy, unjust, untrue. But that is what happened.

So Luke: what I want to ask you now, what I need to know is, Was I right? Because we never talked about it. By the time I could have done that, I was afraid to. I couldn't afford to lose you.

-The Handmaid's Tale

2009-02-01T04:05:00.000+08:00

I just came home! And I'm contemplating ditching the idea of doing History now and reading Midnight Sun till I fall asleep.

2009-02-01T01:08:00.003+08:00

I'm going for my first ever midnight-jog! I'm excited, people (:

I WANNA GO NIGHT CYCLING!
I WANNA LEARN SEWING!
I MUST START ON HISTORY WHEN I GET BACK.. LATER! ):

2009-01-31T00:43:00.004+08:00

Now that I have the clue to it, the thing seems written visibly in his face. I have a photograph in which that look of detachment has been caught and intensified. It reminds me of what a woman once said of him - a woman who had loved him greatly. "Suddenly," she said, "the interest goes out of him. He forgets you. He doesn't care a rap for you - under his very nose..."
- H.G. Wells

I feel so sapped and so drained of all energy.

Mass PE was horrible, my friends are great, birthday dinner with Granny, and gong over to Cheston's house.

Cheston's "mini-party" (actually its open house), was pretty good I guess, lazed around alot without having my mind think of school stuff (I wont say at all, because I do every now and then, but it was better than usual). Thanks for the wonderful food. Oh, and I thought Wanting will be there, but she didn't go, so I ended up as the only girl -.-" But there were Cheston's sister's friends too. And I left my mark in many many areas of Cheston's room >.<

"I'm sorry, he said. I didn't mean to. But I find it...
What? I said, when he didn't go on.
Impersonal, he said."
- Atwood

New years.

2009-01-27T19:10:00.003+08:00

My first and last year celebrating New Year's in CJ, so there. I present you, my lovely class (:

And I know many are curious to see how "short" or long my hair is now, so here. But then again, is not that short, but at the same time it is somehow alot shorter now.

New year's have been pretty busy, but until now I haven't really gotten into the whole "CHEENA NEW YEAR" mood, and till now both Nig and I have been scolded or rather reprimanded in a joking manner by my mother a handful of times because we keep talking about each other's death and how we'll make each other jump from their grave. How auspicious (:

Lucky I'm in love with my best friend

2009-01-25T21:32:00.007+08:00

Reunion's never reunion anymore. Well, not exactly. My family's version of reunion means eating out, and our reunion only applies to our immediate family. Which therefore means, people attending reunion = 4.

Anyways, this year we decided to be funny and go eat Jap cuisine on CHINESE New Year's eve. Food was good at Tatsuya (I think, its called). We went to Park Hotel not knowing that they've already moved to Goodwood Park (and they've already been there for 4 months, damn outdated la pls!), and we were half an hour late for our dinner appointment. Best, I tell you.

OH, and I went to Eric today to get my hair done and he chopped off some of my curls ): Okay, its not much, as you can see for yourself in the pictures later, but still.. Emotional trauma, he's put me through. My hairrrr ): Then again, on a lighter note, he asked me (again, for like the dont-know-how-many-times) if I permed my hair elsewhere, and he said I really can maintain my curls. Yes yes, I am good (: I've permed my hair since like what, Nov 2007?

This year I decided (partly due to the nagging, but mainly due to me being so filial) to be a good girl and a very good one by helping Mommy pack up my own room. And all the packing's made my eczema worsen and its hurting so much ): As if Batam didn't already brought my Eczema back ): ): ): BUT, its for a good cause, so I shall stop whining and behaving like a complete brat, because I'm not. And no, Christian, I don't have a line of maids waiting to pack up my room for me, neither am I bimbotic! Too smart to be one (:

I'll let the pictures do the talking (:

i'll pretend you can hear me.

2009-01-25T09:57:00.003+08:00

Its been busy, dinners after dinners after dinners, and reading Handmaid's Tale in between dishes. Nig got smarter and brought his lit text along too to read.

Anyway, yesterday after dinner with Uncle Cedric and his family I managed to rush down to Siglap, to Clarence's house, for the seniors' shooting barbeque, to reach in time when everyone else was about to leave. Okay, well not everyone. Some of them were about to leave. The girls left first, with Chris Lye and some others, I think. So the rest of us sat by the pool and drinked and talked about (army) life, and I just listened intently. I'm a good listener! Okay, well not really, I interrupted now and then telling them about my interest/dream of becoming a sniper and to shoot machine guns. And I still think red bull makes you sleep. So I only had a sip of red bull and vodka.

Then I went grocery shopping with Mommy and Daddy, thats what I love about them, I guess. They're so, different, sometimes. They're into these midnight-stay-up-late and shop or go prawning kinda stuff. Like how Mommy used to drag me out for Midnight shopping at Wisma on Friday nights.

I feel so random now, but its all coming out like word-vomit. I'm on an emotional rollercoaster every now and then..

I will say you, you, like an old love song.

you're a candle in the window on a cold dark bitter night.

2009-01-23T16:24:00.003+08:00

Hiatus broken again, but I'm just coming online to say I really enjoyed CNY celebrations in school today. CJ Dance were really really good, but honestly (and unexpectedly), I loved ODAC's performance best. It was so entertaining and good, and relevant, and heart-warming, and touching, and so easy to relate to, and so awesome. Mr Lim can sing :O And he sings really well!

Went for Manicure and Pedicure, and ended up late to meet Dan, and I made him wait for me for an hour ): I'm really sorry! And we didn't get to go shopping in town in the end, maybe another time. Cause we both kinda had to go home. I needa go bathe and change and go for a family dinner too >.<

Bah, the family dinner's so last minute, so I can't go for the dinner with Gab and some of our classmates (plus Elijah)! ):

I NEED TO DO MY HOMEWORK TOO :O

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE ANYWAYS! (: (: (:
Maybe I'll break my hiatus to come upload some pictures for New Year too sometime later (:

I am a happy girl.

2009-01-21T22:06:00.000+08:00

Finally :D

I'm a happy girl! Going on hiatus for real this time (I think). Heh heh.

2009-01-20T01:37:00.004+08:00

I can't believe I slept so early on today of all the days, why must I be feeling unwell today? ):

Damn. I wish I'd managed to stay up a little longer.

cause i'd rather waste my life pretending than have to forget you for one whole minute

2009-01-19T21:00:00.003+08:00

Suffering from the usual Monday blues, which have been made alot worse by the fact that he wasn't here. Unlike in the past, where he'd be here to comfort and encourage me.

Mass PE only served to worsen the day, as if a Monday cannot get any worse. That sucked. Mass PE was torturous and tiring, especially sets. Honestly, I'd rather run 2.4/3.2km whatsoever than do sets. Its so, so, so.. horrible. But anyway the class made it really fun, having Yoke to entertain us for jumping jacks, Hazel to entertain us with abdominal lifts, etc etc. And Sab to enable me to laugh through the entire sets of exercises.

I ended up talking to Ryan last night till 3.30am :O Anyways, he spontaneously called me at about 1.30am and played Boston on the guitar and sang to it, I swear its really good. It was a good break I guess. And it was really nice of him to do so. There's a good reason to support his band, Armchair Critic, because he can sing so damn well!

Support ARMCHAIR CRITIC!

Just hold on.

2009-01-19T02:49:00.001+08:00

When you love someone
And they break your heart
don’t give up on love
Have faith, restart
Just hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on

When it falls apart
And your feeling lost
All your hope is gone
don’t forget to hold on, hold on

determination and perseverance - a weakness

2009-01-18T23:52:00.007+08:00

I'm completely hopeless at this, and I hate to say this. But I suck at getting over this whole facade, if it even is a facade. I can't concentrate. At all.

And my history's staring back at me blankly, my mind can't process. And its already 12am, but I've not completed my Maths, Econs, and History. I can't..

Its funny how Coach used to say determination and perseverance were my strong traits. Now they're actually traits which exist to cripple me. Perhaps. Till then, till my legs can no longer hold this weight, I'll always be this determined, and persevering. I can't be bothered about whats good for me anymore. I'll just stay this way, I'll try to get on with life, but I won't ever get over this. Unless there are unexpected changes in the situation..

Are you really happy now, with what you are, with how you live. Are you happy with not having what you can have? Because I'm not.. I'm not at all happy as what I make myself out to be, or even am able to make out to be. I'm not.

You think without you, I've got everything, when fact is I've got nothing without you, because I choose to not have anything.

.

I hear you're taking the town again
Havin' a good time with all your good-time friends
I don't think that you think of me
You're on your own now, and I'm alone and free
I know that I should get on with my life
But a life lived without you could never be right

As long as the stars shine down from the heavens,
Long as the rivers run to the sea,
I'll never get over you getting over me
I try to smile so the hurt won't show
Tell everybody I was glad to see you go
But the tears just won't go away (won't go away)
Loneliness found me, looks like it's here to stay
I know that I oughta find someone new
But all I find is myself always thinking of you

Oh, no matter what I do,
Each night's a lifetime to live through
I can't go on like this
I need your touch
You're the only one I've ever loved

And as long as the stars shine down from the heavens,
Long as the rivers run to the sea,
I'll never get over you getting over me
(I'll never get over you getting over)
Never get over you getting over
I'll never get over you getting over me

I'm still addicted to you.

2009-01-18T21:03:00.002+08:00

This song's just so apt to describe my thoughts now, its so wrong yet so right. Its ironical.

I never wanted to stop trying, and I never got to give up completely. Not even now. I'd try this all over again, I'd go through it all over, I would. Even then I don't know why I'm still waiting. And, you'd prolly think I deserve this, afterall, I let you down first, even I think I do too. I never meant for this..

.

I heard you're doing okay
But I want you to know
I'm a-dic
I'm addicted to you
I can't pretend I don't care
When you don't think about me
Do you think I deserve this?

I tried to make you happy but you left anyway

I'm trying to forget that
I'm addicted to you
But I want it and I need it
I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never wanna do this again
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker

Since the day I met you
And after all we've been through
I'm still a-dic
I'm addicted to you
I think you know that it's true
I'd run a thousand miles to get you
Do you think I deserve this?

I tried to make you happy
I did all that I could
Just to keep you
But you left anyway

I'm trying to forget that
I'm addicted to you
But I want it and I need it
I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never wanna do this again
Heartbreaker
Heartbreaker

How long will I be waiting?
Until the end of time
I don't know why I'm still waiting
I can't make you mine

I'm trying to forget that
I'm addicted to you
But I want it and I need it
I'm addicted to you

Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never wanna do this again
Heartbreaker

Heartbreaker
I'm addicted to you
Heartbreaker
I'm addicted to you
Heartbreaker
I'm addicted to you
Heartbreaker
I'm addicted to you
Heartbreaker

what am i supposed to do when the best part of me has always been you?

2009-01-18T12:31:00.003+08:00

Going to bed last night after blogging turned to another procrastination, once again. Ryan and I ended up talking till 5am. So much for dying laptop battery. I'm glad I've got company though, I kinda know I wouldn't have been able to sleep earlier too.

Anyways, since Ryan's a friend I've known for years (since Sec1 or 2), and he's been great company.. Please support ARMCHAIR CRITIC! They're really good anyways, and I personally like the band too (:

http://www.myspace.com/armchaircritic

(:

Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night

we - we could have had the sun.

2009-01-18T02:44:00.004+08:00

I just got home and I don't feel like sleeping now. I have this strange tendency of tiring myself out everyday so I'd collapse and fall asleep the minute I got into bed. Nights used to be one of the worse times of the day, together with mornings, when I first wake up. So I've found my solution to sleep after all. But now that I have I find myself tired every single minute of the day, I'm wearing thin mentally, I don't know how long more I can take this. I just occupy my time, every single second to keep my mind busy and distracted. My eyes are hurting so much they feel like they're popping out of their sockets.

Anyways today was okay, after church was pretty eventful, Mom, Dad, Grandma and I went to ECP for dinner, and to Taka to shop. First stop was (without a doubt) Coach, and I almost bought this shoe from there after trying and all, but decided in the end not to because the prints was so similar to my previous pair I bought, and the design is more-or-less similar, so I opted out in the end. But Mommy and I bought this pair of heels from Nine West and this other pair from Enzo Angiolini. She then bought her clothes, and just before we left I managed to buy a dress and a top that caught my eye. Hahha, so much for "Christine, keep your eyes shut, no more clothes and shoes for you!".

Headed to the prata shop near NUS for supper (sinfullll!), before going to the fish wholesale center in Woodlands (which, by the way, only opens at 12am). I swear I'm not going in ever again, neither am I setting foot in a fish market, ever. Its a horrible place. In my opinion, fish markets = dystopia. I know, extreme, but true. I never thought fishes could smell that bad, and now I don't think they do but I KNOW they do. Mommy says its an "exposure". I say its a "TRAUMATISING EXPERIENCE".

3 things I hate most about the fish market:
1. This guy who could have just said excuse me, had to touch my back just to get through (and who knows how many fishes he'd have already touched before, and I can bet its more than a 100), I was so grossed out after that.
2. Another guy was sorting out the fishes, and he had this whole pail of HUGGGGEEE fishes (which actually scares me), and he kicked it in my direction, I swear I could have felt the wind coming along with it, and I shrieked and jumped forward before the tail touched my leg (thank God!).
3. I am aware of how bratty and spoilt I sound now, but I'm horrified at the sight/thought of a fish market, and I'm even more mortified by my thoughts and opinions of a fish market.

Gonna go off now. AND HONESTLY, WHATEVER HAPPENED TO HIATUS??! o.O

When we first met
I never felt something so strong
You were like my lover
And my best friend
All wrapped into one
With a ribbon on it
And all of a sudden
you went and left
I didn't know how to follow
It's like a shock
That spun me around
And now my heart's dead
I feel so empty and hollow

.

Cause now I'm using like I bleed
It's like I checked into rehab
Baby you're my disease

TGIALY; Thank God Its A Levels Year.

2009-01-17T00:09:00.005+08:00

Truly, for once. I'm glad I'm busy, I'm glad I've got work on my hands, I'm glad I've got many things to do, nevermind that I'm not doing them. But at least there IS something to do when I need distraction, temporary distraction, because I can never take my mind away at all, to be honest.

Even now, but still, I know what he wants is not us anymore. Not anymore.

I don't wanna do my 7 and a half questions of maths. I don't even wanna look at it. I'm gonna disappoint Mr Lim. Bah!

Its funny now, how academics and studies have turned into my source of support. Maths, Economics, History, Literature; what with International Trade, Statistics, Kashmir Dispute, Religious Fundamentalism, and Handmaid's Tale and Othello/Great Expectations (which I've not read yet), they hold me together now, at least for now.

Anyways, school today was okay, its practically lecture day. 3 lectures in a row and PE lecture was the worse by far. Worse than history, lit, econs, or GP, or tied. But what made my day was Xiuwen coming back to visit us, being able to see her, feel her presence, and give her a big hug whenever I feel like it, leaning on her shoulder while having my hands around her waist, that made my day. I missed Xiuwen, I missed her so much. And her letter for me was so sweet, I'll miss her even more. I love you, Xiuu!

Had PT with the shooting club, and training and briefing and addressing the shooters. Jo and I then intended to go support the hockey players at CCAB but Fel wasn't playing and it was only the guys so we decided to give it a miss, maybe next time. Lazed around at Toa Payoh's park till 9pm before we decided to make our way back..

I miss you, very very much. But theres nothing I can do. Has it not been long enough? Isn't it time for you to come back now? Come back now?

its like walking on broken glass.

2009-01-15T21:58:00.004+08:00

Moped around the range for the first 3/4 of the time. My shots were screwed (big time), I shot all over the black circle. And one 6 even. Managed to pick myself up later, cast aside (as much as I can), or rather, tried putting them behind, burying my thoughts, and shot better. I shot 3 shots to compete against Bradley, because he won the others, and I scored 30/30. Full points, total ownage!

Anyways, I have a great sense of accomplishment, for finishing my History homework, and being able to hand them up on time. For once. At least now I know a little more about the Kashmir dispute. A little. Haha, thats like an overstatement. Its more like minimal, ah well.

Thank you all, for always being by my side!

.

We don’t have time left to regret(hold on)
It will take more than common sense(hold on)
So stop your wondering take a stand(hold on)
Theres more to life than just to live(hold on)

Cause an empty room can be so loud
Its too many tears to drown them out
So hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on

One single smile a helping hand(hold on)
Its not that hard to be a friend(hold on)
So don’t give up stand 'til the end(hold on)
Theres more to life than just to live(hold on)

Cause an empty room can be so loud
Its too many tears to drown them out
So hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on

When you love someone
And they break your heart
don’t give up on love
Have faith, restart
Just hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on

When it falls apart
And your feeling lost
All your hope is gone
don’t forget to hold on, hold on

Cause an empty room can be so loud
Its too many tears to drown them out
So hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on

When you love someone
And they break your heart
don’t give up on love
Have faith, restart
Just hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on

Cause an empty room can be so loud
Its too many tears to drown them out
So hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on

When you love someone
And they break your heart
don’t give up on love
Have faith, restart
Just hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on

apology, disappointment, past, letting go, school, shooting, friends, homework, goodbye.

2009-01-15T01:10:00.004+08:00

What happened to hiatus? I know I know, I'll stop blogging after today, there are just some things I need to get off my chest (and even more).

I'm already feeling the pressure from the teachers, especially when they go through the scheme of work for each subject and go, "In week 10 you will be taking your Common Tests, and then you'll have Mid-Years a few weeks later, and Prelims in September, and 5 weeks later will be your A levels." and there, reality sets in. "Set" here seems to be an understatement. It doesn't just settle nicely into your head, it crashes in. Oh, its already (nearing the end of) the 2nd week. And its not helping that I already have so many things on my mind (that I can't get it out), so many unwanted things sometimes.

I don't feel anymore. I am clouded. All the things you've said, from the beginning to the end, just keeps playing again, like a cassette tape set on 'play', a player with a faulty 'stop' button. I don't have a choice. I'm going under. I can't stay afloat no matter how much I want to, or how much my friends are trying to help me. At this point in time, I just want to say I'm really really sorry for all I've done to hurt you, unintentionally. I swear, I've never meant to do any harm to you. I never wanted to hurt you or make you sad, fact is. If there was anything in this world I wanted to protect, it would have been definitely you. But I can't. Unknowingly I've brought you pain and sadness and I've made the wrong, most wrong assumptions in the world, and I can never atone for the mistakes I've done. Its so weird, the one relationship I wanted to make it work turned out to be the one I screwed up. And I just can't complain anymore.

Secretly, I keep my phone with me all the time to wait for you to (finally) message me. But the finally never came. Maybe we're just too raw and sore to be friends now.

I gotta get over it, get back up. I'm shutting all else out, at least for now. Till I've recuperated enough, if it is the appropriate word. Till I'm better, till I'm stronger. I can't think, at all, because you're in my mind, all the time. I can't even sleep without thinking of you, and now, I have to cast them all aside. Willing or not, I have to. And maybe when I'm fine again we can all be friends and start anew, maybe, if you want to too.

On a lighter note, today's class wasn't too bad. Mr Glascow was (as usual), hilarious and good. Loved his lesson. And GP wasn't too bad today because I downed a can of coffee just before class, thanks Patsy for thinking of that idea, and helping me to get it, and all my friends trying their very best to keep me awake and surviving through the lesson, Justin's definitely great help, and Jacq feeding me bits and pieces of info on the front roll people, and Pat kicking my chair every few minutes, and Wee pulling my hair everytime Pat kicks my chair, and Fel, for lauging along with them. Oh, right, I never got to explain. Wee and Pat are sitting behind me, and so they came up with this "brilliant" plan of theirs (ok, I admit. its pretty good, for them, at my expense) which is that whenver I doze off, Pat will kick my chair and Wee will pull my hair so I hae to wake up. Okay, and then maths was confusing UNTIL I saw the light that shone down from the heavens and parted the clouds (okay hyperbole), and understood what was going on, a little. We celebrated Sam and Melvin's belated birthdays today too, with a Chocz cake!

Going to training was not bad, because I had people with me to talk to me to keep my mind off thinking especially when I'm travelling. Bus-ed to TP MRT with Just, Benjamin, and Azmi, Joanne (who was with her entire track team) and Met Daniel Lau at Bishan MRT and we went to Safra together. And it was a horrifying moment of realization when I found out that: I mistook my denim mini skirt for my denim three-quarters and had to shoot in my CJ skirt. Daniel.L wanted to lend me the berms he was wearing (so sweet, I know), and he can wear my skirt to shoot, ok no just kidding. He has extra pants -.-" Sebastian helped me with my gripping and all (thanks alot!) and saved my hair from being ripped off my head, and Sam.T and I managed to ketchupz a bit, managed to see the very very adorable but (can be) annoying-at-some-times St Pats sec 2 shooters, haha. Ted, Dylan, oh, theres Nits and Sameer too. Overall, my first training at Safra for 2009 was pleasant (except for the scores/shots), and I'm really glad I got to meet people whom I've saw so much the past year and people I share a common interest in.

Anyways, if I wanted to wait for Mom and Dad to pick me I'd have to wait for about an hour or so, not that I wasn't willing to, but Daniel.L's parents gave me a lift instead. And initially I was reluctant (I already told him no once), because I was shy (even meeting just friends' parents. aww, I know), but he jst brushed my concerns off this time. Anyway, my concerns turned out unnecessary, because they were such easy-going people and they were so nice to talk to, it was so easy talking to them. So we engaged in open discussions and everything on the way back, and even when his Dad went to buy dinner for his family. I swear, they are really really interesting. And to reciprocate their kind gesture I have to remind Daniel.L to study for A levels. Haha, although I hardly see how its necessary (come on lah, RJ know), but he seemed okay with the whole idea when his dad asked me to encourage Daniel.L to study. Surprise, surprise.

So what the hell am I doing here when I still have 1 SBQ, Section B of Econs Tutorial, 3 GP lines to write (so lame, I'll write them 2 minutes before his lesson tmr) and 7 and a half maths questions (but not impt, can hand up on Friday :x)?

Oh, and I feel so accomplished I have to blog about this. I was dozing off just now and I kept telling myself that I cannot, and MUST NOT break my resolution which is to finish all my homework and assignments on time, which then leads me to my next resolution which is to stay in class for all the lessons and not get thrown out, in which the second resolution will be broken if I break the first one now.

And can I thank all my fabulous friends for staying by my side? Yes I can, and I will even if you say I can't (?!).

Especially Jon who checks on me regularly. The very first person to find out because of my indecent exposure (HAHA, kididng), no, because I forgot about it completely and reached out to take stuff, and have been constantly reminding me that they're all here for me.
Jo, for messaging me constantly too, and always always, never fails to be here for me. I love you, holy shit (haha, inside joke). You crack me up all the time, and thank you for listening to me, just listening is enough, you know. Its good to know you're here.
Fel, omg oreoz pls. Love you many many muchy. For all your nonsense and shitxz.
Sab the whale-trafficker-saver (lol, inside joke again), and all your nonsensical intellectual jokes. You can really really make me laugh, I tell you. dot dot dot woman!
Sebastian, for messaging me almost every other second of the day when you're not busy and I've replied, to encourage me when I'm down, especially when I'm down.
Thank you for being here, lubxz you very very much. And all who's not listed. I've not forgotten you all!

Beneath all the smiles and laughs, is emptiness. Its sadness and heart-aches. I refuse to go down. I refuse.

Damn! Its 2am, and I'm still here. WTH?

KTHXBYE!

why not now?

2009-01-13T18:07:00.004+08:00

I'm a train wreck in the morning
I'm a bitch in the afternoon
Every now and then without warning
I can be really mean towards you
I'm a puzzle yes in deed
Ever complex in every way
And all the pieces aren't even in the box
And yet, you see the picture clear as day.

I don't know why you love me
And that's why I love you
You catch me when I fall
Accept me flaws and all
And that's why I love you

I neglect you when I'm working
When I need attention I tend to nag
I'm a host of imperfection
And you see past all that
I'm a peasant by some standards
But in your eyes I'm a queen
You see potential in all my flaws
and that's exactly what I mean.

I don't know why you love me
And that's why I love you
You catch me when I fall
Accept me flaws and all
and that's why I love you

You used to be able to, so why can't you be there for me this one last time, when I need you to?
Just when I'm trying to change all these flaws..

i can't do this anymore.

2009-01-13T17:42:00.005+08:00

Less than a day of hiatus and I'm already blogging. So much for going on hiatus. I can't think at all. I've got so much homework left undone, and yet all I can think of is him and his smile, keep holding on because maybe, just maybe, he'd find out how much he means to me..

You said move on
Where do I go
I guess second best
Is all I will know

You're the best
And yes I do regret
How I could let myself
Let you go
Now the lesson's learned
I touched it I was burned
Oh I think you should know

Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Oh won't you walk through
And bust in the door
And take me away
Oh no more mistakes
Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay...

.

Dearest love,
I hope this message finds you well
As these endless thoughts drip from my soul
Every single word secretly paints a fairytale
Of when we will melt into one...

Eyes forfeit sight to the pain
Cold scalpel's steel whispers tear at my very core
As I cling to my memories of you
I am so scared... So scared... I need you with me

Were the last words that I wrote for you enough to tell you
That in my death the light that shone through my painful darkness
Was a blinding vision of your eternal smile?

It's me again,
Is it me or am I wrong to be concerned?
Will the beauty of your pen ever cross my eyes again?
Was this all a lie? Why?

Were the last words that I wrote for you enough to tell you
That in my death the light that shone through my painful darkness
Was a blinding vision of your eternal smile?

HIATUS.

2009-01-12T20:20:00.007+08:00

Going on hiatus from now. I have to stop blogging sooner or

later and if I don't stop now I prolly never will. I'll blog once

every now and then, but I doubt it'll be often. So, till then.

.

"When you love someone and the break your heart, don't give up on love, have faith, restart."
-Sean's MSN nickname.

Remember the first day when I saw your face?
Remember the first day when you smiled at me?
You stepped to me, and then you said to me,
I was the woman you dreamed about.
Remember the first day when you called my house?
Remember the first day when you took me out?
We had butterflies although we tried to hide it,
And we both had a beautiful night.

The way we held each other's hand,
The way we talked, the way we laughed,
It felt so good to find true love
I knew right then and there you were the one
Ooh oh oooh

Remember the first day, the first day we kissed?
Remember the first day we had an argument?
We apologized, and then we compromised
And we haven't argued since
Remember the first day we stopped playing games?
Remember the first day you fell in love with me?
It felt so good for you to say those words
Cause I felt the same way too

The way we held each other's hand,
The way we talked, the way we laughed
It felt soo good to fall in love
And I knew right then and there you were the one ooh oh ohhwoah

I'm so happy, so happy that you're in my life
And baby now that you're a part of me
You showed me,
Showed me the true meaning of love (the true meaning of love)
And I know he loves me

I know that he loves me, cause he told me so
I know that he loves me, cause his feelings show
When he stares at me you see he cares for me
You see how he is so deep in love
I know that he loves me cause it's obvious
I know that he loves me cause it's me he trusts
And he's missing me, if he's not kissing me
And when he looks at me his brown eyes tell his soul
He looks at me and his brown eyes...
Tell his soul

.

Listen
I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried
To say what's on my mind
You should have known
Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what
You've made of me
I followed the voice, you gave to me
But now I've gotta find my own
You should have listened

All I could do was cry
All I could do was cry
I was losing the man that i love
And all I could do was cry

2009-01-11T19:47:00.001+08:00

How? Why do you make it seem so easy? Why say I'll get over it soon when you know its impossible.

.

Ten to five atleast we tried
We're still alive but hope just died
As they close the door behind you
Whistle blows and tons of steel
Shake the ground beneath the wheels
As I wish I never found you

How can I be smiling when you're gone
Will I be strong enough to carry on

2009-01-11T19:35:00.002+08:00

I'm resigned to my fate.
My doors will be bolted too, soon.
When I figured out how.
You'll never see what we could have had,
You'll never live the life we could have lead.
You'll never see anymore..

And I said, oh, honey baby thats a dead end

.

Love of my life, you hurt me,
You broken my heart, now you leave me.

Love of my life cant you see,
Bring it back bring it back,
Dont take it away from me,
Because you dont know what it means to me.

Love of my life dont leave me,
Youve stolen my love now desert me,

Love of my life cant you see,
Bring it back bring it back,
Dont take it away from me,
Because you dont know what it means to me.

You will remember when this is blown over,
And everythings all by the way,
When I grow older,
I will be there by your side,
To remind how I still love you
I still love you.

Hurry back hurry back,
Dont take it away from me,
Because you dont know what it means to me.

Love of my life,
Love of my life.

2009-01-11T09:16:00.001+08:00

If you teach me how, I just may be able to learn it now.

Going to school.

2009-01-11T08:20:00.001+08:00

I can't think..

2009-01-11T07:04:00.001+08:00

Can't sleep at all.
My eyes won't close.
My heart's gone wild.
I'm gonna bury my head in books for now.

2009-01-11T06:24:00.001+08:00

My heart's beating so quickly it doesn't even feel like a heart anymore. More like a machine in its place. Its beating so quickly to the extent that it hurts my stomach, I think my body system's weird and warped.

I am warped.

2009-01-11T03:38:00.001+08:00

Slow down, the world isn't watching us break down
It's safe to say we are alone now, we're alone now
Not a whisper, the only noise is the receiver
I'm counting the seconds until you break the silence
So please just break the silence

The whispers turn to shouting
The shouting turns to tears
Your tears turn into laughter
And it takes away our fears

So you see, this world doesn't matter to me
I'll give up all I have just to breathe
The same air as you till the day that I die
I can't take my eyes off of you

2009-01-11T03:27:00.001+08:00

And now
The hills are getting hard to climb
I'm runnin' out of time
My decisions are pending on you
And I will accept the blame
for burnin' out the flame
Hoping the story will twist once again
If I could turn back the time
I would put you first in my life

And I would risk it all for you
to prove my love is true
I'll build a wall around my heart
that would only break a part for you
Can change the way I feel
so tell me what's the deal
Don't say
Don't say it's too late

Now I'm
Layin' it all on the line
For you

2009-01-11T03:18:00.002+08:00

I didn't mean to let you down
You have to believe it
I don't know what went through my mind
But now I can see

That I waited too long
To tell you how much it matters
Just to be right here with you
But I couldn't think of anything better
I should have told you so

Baby open your heart
Won't you give me a second chance
And i'll be here forever
Open your heart
Let me show you how much I care
And I will make you understand
If you open your heart
To love me once again

I'll try to make it up to you
I want you to know
Baby I swear that I'll be true
And never let go
If I waited too long
To tell you how much it matters
Just to be right here with you
But I couldn't think of anything better
I should have told you so

Baby open your heart
Won't you give me a second chance
And i'll be here forever
Open your heart
Let me show you how much I care
And I will make you understand
If you open your heart
To love me once again

We could relive this pain and sorrow
But we better do it in time
Start over here and save tomorrow
I wanna make you mine

Open your heart with a chance
And I'll be here forever
Open your heart and I'll care
And I will make you understand
Oh baby,
If you open your heart
To love me once again

Baby open your heart
Won't you give me a second chance
And I'll be here forever
Open your heart
Let me show you how much I care
And I will make you understand
If you open your heart
To love me once again

2009-01-11T03:01:00.001+08:00

How can I just let you walk away
Just let you leave without a trace
When I stand here taking
Every breath with you oohhhh
You're the only one
Who really knew me at all

How can you just walk away from me
When all I can do is watch you leave
'Cause we've shared the laughter and the pain
And even shared the tears
You're the only one
Who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now
'Cause there's just an empty space
There's nothing left here to remind me
Just the memory of your face
So take a look at me now
'Cause there's just an empty space
And you coming back to me, is against the odds
And that's what I've got to face

I wish I could just make you turn around
Turn around and see me cry
There's so much I need to say to you
So many reasons why
You're the only one
Who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now
'Cause there's just an empty space
There's nothing left here to remind me
Just the memory of your face
So Take a look at me now
Cause there's just an empty space
But to wait for you is
All I can do
And that's what I've got to face.
Take a good look at me now
'Cause l'll still be standing (standing here)
And you coming back to me is against all odds
That's the chance I've got to take
(chance I got to take, got to takeeee)

Yeahhhhh
Take A look at me now
(Take A Look at me nowwwww)

2009-01-11T02:55:00.002+08:00

Day after day
Time passed away
And I just can't get you off my mind
Nobody knows, I hide it inside
I keep on searching but I can't find

The courage to show to letting you know
I've never felt so much love before

And once again I'm thinking about
Taking the easy way out

But if I let you go I will never know
What my life would be holding you close to me
Will I ever see you smiling back at me?
How will I know
If I let you go?

Night after night I hear myself say
Why can't this feeling just fade away
There's no one like you (no one like you)
You speak to my heart (speak to my heart)
It's such a shame we're worlds apart

I'm too shy to ask, I'm too proud to lose
But sooner or later I gotta choose
And once again I'm thinking about
Taking the easy way out

But if I let you go I will never know
What my life would be, holding you close to me
Will I ever see you smiling back at me? (oh yeah)
How will I know
If I let you go ?

If I let you go ooooh baby
Ooooooooohhhhh

Once again I'm thinking about
Taking the easy way out
Ooooooooohhhhh

But if I let you go I will never know
What my life would be, holding you close to me
(close to me)
Will I ever see you smiling back at me?
How will I know
(if I let you go?)
But if I let you go I will never know
(oh baby)
Will I ever see you smiling back at me?
(oh yeah)
How will I know
If I let you go ?

2009-01-11T02:34:00.003+08:00

i've been trying. i just don't understand.

i know, i can't give up.

2009-01-11T01:43:00.001+08:00

why this again?